Sarah, how do I stop emotionally eating?

this is a question we received from one of our blog readers recently. 

You know my instinctual response? 

Don’t.

Don’t stop emotionally eating.

Deep breath.Hang with me for a minute, so I can explain.

Quite a few years ago, I saw Food Network chef and host Alton Brown perform at a local food and wine festival. Fully expecting a high-brow demonstration of how to cook some complicated culinary cuisine, I was instead surprised, and a bit disappointed, to hear him wax poetic about the art of making the perfect omelet. An omelet? Dude…seriously? WTF?

Despite my irritation, I didn’t leave. Instead, I listened and watched as Alton revealed his proven process to achieve breakfast bliss:

Binging, emotionally eating, and overeating are all terms you have likely heard of and probably even used to describe your own eating habits at times. Often, these terms are used interchangeably, and while they share some similarities, they are all different, and it can be helpful to know and understand these differences as you work to redefine your relationship with food.

Urge surfing is a coping strategy that can be used to avoid engaging in a specific behavior that you want to stop or reduce. Here at Reclaim, we like to teach urge surfing when folks can acknowledge that they are feeling compelled to engage in a particular behavior.

People struggling with BDD might see themselves as ugly, think about what they perceive as flaws for hours each day, miss work, school or activities because they don’t want to be with people, avoid spending time with people they care about, use surgical means in attempt to “improve” their appearance and experience significant emotional distress and self harming behaviors.

Body checking can be described as a habitual or an often impulsive behavior that involves the assessment of a body’s shape, size, appearance or weight. Body checking is often a symptom of disordered eating and is most definitely a symptom of experiencing some degree of body shame.

I know for me, it's all too easy to get lost in the busyness of life. Mom'ing. Therapist'ing. Partner'ign. Friend'ing. Business owning. Trying to get through the day'ing.

With all the noise, all of the tasks, all of the mental and physical energy that's pouring out of my very being... at times it's a bit scary to come back, and show up for me. To show up for what is. To show up for the needs that are going unmet.

To refill my own damn cup.

It's scary because it's vulnerable.

It's scary because it's connected.

At times it's scary because to show up for yourself, like to really show up for yourself, can feel like an invitation to respond to yourself differently- like speaking a new language.

We’ve all been there…

getting ready to walk into, or log into, your first therapy session.

The nerves and the excitement to learn new skills and gain a deeper understanding of your inner world.

The overwhelm when thinking about sharing your pain, your secrets, parts of your story that feel vulnerable and maybe even shameful.

We know how brave it is to reach out for help and to start the therapy process.

Like we shared in our last blog, as humans, we often remember and rexpererince trauma through our feelings and our bodies long after a traumatic experience has happened.

Some people who have experienced traumatic events remember the event or event(s), others might not.

What neuroscience has taught us is that after experiences that are traumatic, the brain and body are looking for input that could indicate a threat or danger.

Input from our environment that could be (even a little) connected to a traumatic event is called a trigger.

What brain science has taught us is that trauma is most likely to be remembered in the form of emotions, bodily sensations, changes in breathing, heart rate, bodily tension, collapse or the feeling of being overwhelmed. This is because as a result of highly stressful or disturbing experiences, people’s biology shifts to a biology of threat- staying hyper alert, feeling chronically unsafe and having difficulty remaining in the present moment.

The impact of traumatic experiences is located in the survival part of the brain, which does not return to baseline after the threat is over.

Gardening takes work. Take the tomatoes…

I planted them in a wonderfully sunny spot, then realized they were a bit too far from a water source. Add in a trip to the hardware store for a longer hose and a sprinkler and the need to make time in the morning or evening to water the plants.

Lesson learned: Relying solely on the unreliable weather to handle things won’t guarantee a bountiful harvest.

Next, the birds that I love to watch from my deck began to peck at what I’d planted, resulting in further need to protect them. Other pests showed up, leading to Google searches and calls to my brother asking how the heck one deals with an infestation of beetles.

Another lesson learned: Hoping that growth would happen untested won’t guarantee healthy plants.

Take a minute to bring the image of your inner body critic to mind. That image that we worked to embody in last week’s body image post.

Now that you have a better understanding of how your body critic was shaped and formed, how do you feel about that image?

Is the image a version of yourself from another time? A younger you, faced with a parent who spoke harshly about their own body, or even your body?

The experiences that you’ve had in your body have undoubtedly shaped the relationship that you have with it and how you (often) brace yourself to be interacted with and treated in the world.

There is also space for acknowledging what external narratives exist about bodies and how you were exposed to them. These narratives often come from family belief systems and culturally normative belief systems.

Many people start dieting in an attempt to feel better about their bodies after years of being taught that to feel good about your body, you have to look a certain way. Others start dieting in an attempt to improve their health status, similarly, after years of being taught that nutrition is the way to achieve health and well being.

More-so, for many people, dieting behaviors offer a semblance of containment.

Here at Reclaim we hear painful reflections like this everyday. The people we support are consistently measuring their worth as humans in this world all because of a tool.

A tool that is BS.

In so many ways.

Let us tell you some of those ways.

Myths about eating disorders run rampant in our culture.

Because of the way eating disorders have been portrayed in the media many people have a vision of what an eating disorder “looks” like. That combined with a general misunderstanding of the why’s/how’s of eating disorders by the general population and health care professionals alike, people struggling with their relationship to food and their body often feel stigmatized, not believed, isolated and alone

They impact not only emotional wellness, but physical wellness and relational wellness. This makes effective treatment of eating disorders imperative- the earlier someone receives treatment the greater the chance for recovery and mitigated health concerns.

Eating disorders can impact many systems and organs within the body. While treating eating disorders, the Reclaim therapists will frequently collaborate with dietitians and physicians to ensure the well being and health stability of our clients.

As eating disorder specialists here at Reclaim, we’ve seen firsthand how insidious, dangerous and consuming orthorexia can be.

Often starting from a well intentioned place to be more “healthy”, folks who have vulnerability to developing an eating disorder (biological, cultural and psychological vulnerabilities) can easily find themselves in a place that is quite unhealthy.

Entering a new year can be full of hope and promise. We offer one another New Year’s greetings full of well-wishes and good things. We consider new ways of living and being and doing and set resolutions to bring such ways to fruition.

yet hope and promise can so easily be twisted into self-criticism and judgment that lead us to set unrealistic and unfair expectations for ourselves.

A striking example of this involves diet culture’s obsession with tying a new year to a “new you” – implying that the current you in your current body is not good enough and needs to be changed. This can lead us to set resolutions centered on restrictive diets and punishing exercise.

If you have a body, you have a body image.

In a very direct way, body image refers to the relationship you have with your body. And for most people, that relationship can be pretty complicated.

your relationship with your body includes thoughts, perceptions, sensations, feelings, how you care for it and your experience living in it on the day to day.