10 Tips to Cope with Bad Body Image Days
Unfortunately, struggling with body image is something that most people can relate to. Bad body image days can be enough to knock you on your butt. The intensity of the thoughts, the self-beratement, and the never-ending-changing-of-outfits. Plus the endless body checking to wonder where in the world *that* came from… and, the strong desire to crawl back into bed so that you can’t/won’t be seen.
Ya’ll, body image and self esteem issues are intense.
You know it. We know it. There’s no shame in your suffering.
Most of us were taught that if we have negative body image or body image issues, that it’s our fault. And, we should do something about it.
Make changes! Go on a diet! Use more willpower! Tell your body you love it!
But, if you’re here, you know that body image issues are not so simple.
For most people with each diet, and each rebound from the said diet, body image and self-esteem plummet. Depression and anxiety increase.
And all the bullshitting about loving a body that you’ve been at war with for so long leaves you feeling more than a bit burnt out.
But, we’ve never been taught that there’s a different way to find peace in our bodies. Without changing them or continuing to grind to fit into a narrow and oppressive standard.
The Reclaim online therapists in Pennsylvania want you to know that there’s a different way.
A way to reclaim connection and trust in your body, to end painful cycles of self-loathing and self-abuse because of body image distress.
If you’ve googled how to improve body image (maybe that’s how you found this blog post!) you’ve likely read article after article listing 10 ways to stop thoughts, change your thoughts, give yourself affirmations, etc. That’s all helpful and valid!
But, we’re going to take a bit of a different approach- one that looks at the long game and how to start uprooting some of the beliefs and behaviors that have you entering in and out of bad body image days.
Here are Reclaim Therapy’s 10 Tips to Cope With Bad Body Image and Self Esteem in Pennsylvania
1. Take a long, hard, critical look at society’s messages about bodies
Study after study shows that the cultural influence on body image is damaging (to say the least) and leads to disordered eating.
Think about the messages you’re bombarded with on the regular- how to lose the pandemic weight, diet resets to quickly lose “x” number of pounds, how to get rid of that ‘pesky’ cellulite, shredding for the wedding, getting your body back after baby, strong is the new skinny… I could go on and on.
Messages reinforcing body image issues are everywhere!
We’re exposed to almost constant messaging about how we ‘should look and how we ‘should’ take care of ourselves. Whether we like it or not, unconsciously, we’re absorbing body beliefs that we haven’t given our consent to take on as our own. This quickly creates a hierarchy of bodies in our own mind- typically, that fat is bad, thin is good.
Most of us were raised in families that taught us similarly- that bigger bodies are to be feared.
It’s like a double whammy.
We often don’t realize it, but these belief systems run deep, and we'll do anything to uphold them (enter disordered eating cycles and body hate).
Why is it important to address body image and self-esteem issues?
Because what if we don’t?
The fear of not being accepted, finding belonging, being loved, falling outside of the expected paradigm, can be paralyzing.
The cultural messaging about bodies reinforces that our bodies are something to be ashamed of. And these shame-based body beliefs only reinforce negative narratives about ourselves and what it means to live in a body outside of the cultural ideal.
I could riff about the trauma of living in a culture obsessed with thinness and beauty all day.
It’s so important to understand the impact of it and be able to call it out when harsh body thoughts start to invade our headspace. So, on those bad body image days, here are 3 ways to acknowledge and unblended yourself from the cultural narrative about bodies.
Ask yourself… who is profiting off of these thoughts? Because you absolutely aren’t profiting from them! (Get real… what industries, actual people, groups of people, will profit from action that you take as these thoughts?)
When was the first time you learned your body was bad, or unacceptable? What do you wish you had learned about your body and the culture we live in? Now, offer yourself those words or sentiments.
When you catch yourself spewing hate toward your one and only body, acknowledge that you didn’t have control over being steeped in body shame and body hate growing up. But now, you can take care of yourself in a different way. Imagine sending the hateful words back where they came from.
2. Start with respect
I’m sure you’ve seen folks on social media talk about body love being the goal. Cool, that might be their goal, but it doesn’t have to be yours.
What if you started with acknowledgment? And then moved to respect.
We know that healthy relationships have a strong foundation in respect.
Start viewing your relationship with your body the same way you would your relationship with your best friend. I’m sure you didn’t just jump to bestie status. Over time you built a solid foundation. A relationship that felt safe and secure. I’m sure you’ve apologized for hurts and shared gratitude for each other. Over time, trust was formed. Respect has to remain a constant for both parties in the relationship to feel fulfilled.
Acknowledging that you are in a relationship with your body is a big step. Because if you’re struggling with body image issues, you’ve likely wanted to disconnect from it. And, maybe you successfully have.
deep breath.
This is your one and only body. It’s yours. You don’t have to like it right now. Or ever for that matter.
But, to live more peacefully in it, how can you start to show it (in turn yourself) a bit more respect?
Think about:
The way you talk to it
Or the way you think about it
The way you move it
Maybe even acknowledge the way you feed it
The way you listen to it
Lastly, consider the way you care for it after listening to it
On those really hard body image days consider what you can do to be even a bit more respectful. And, offer yourself that. You deserve it.
3. Get to know the negative body voice in your head
Try to consider the body bashing in your head as a part of you that is trying to communicate. Sure, concretely it’s communicating some harsh messages- likely rooted in shame and disgust.
Often times we’re so used to hearing the near-constant chatter that we don’t take time to get to know what is actually going on.
Yes, you’re having body image issues. The thoughts and anxiety spirals are coming fast and hard. This is actually going on and it is very real.
But, let’s try to get to know the part of you that’s speaking and sending these messages.
What or who does it sound like?
When is it most likely to show up?
If it weren’t about your physical body, what else could this part be trying to communicate?
Next, acknowledge responding to the part of you.
Validate the emotions behind the messages (yes, the message is likely harsh, but I guarantee there’s emotion underneath it). The pain that this part of you is communicating and you’re experiencing is valid.
Consider what this part of you needs to feel taken care of, heard, seen, and validated.
Take care of it (and yourself) in a way that feels good.
4. Minimize body-checking behaviors
This tip is helpful in moments of acute body image distress, and something to consider in your day-to-day. Typically, body checking behaviors lead to even more body checking behaviors and disordered behaviors around food in an attempt to ‘fix’ the body. Which, yes, leads you back to body checking.
Notice body checking rituals you have- mirrors you always look in, times of day the urge to body check feels the worst, poses, or pinching and/or poking at areas of your body. Consider ways to keep yourself safe in these moments by riding the wave of the urge to body check. Remove mirrors if you can, try changing the ritual, grounding yourself when you feel the urge to engage, or calling on a safe person for support.
5. Zoom out
This piggybacks off of the last tip. When we’re hypervigilant about our bodies, we often zoom in on areas that we’re most uncomfortable with.
We want you to zoom way out.
Look at the full picture of yourself. You are not just legs. Not just a stomach, a love handle, or an ass. You are a whole, badass human. A human with passions, desires, flaws, dreams, and values. Values that extend far beyond the body.
Start to acknowledge what and who you are outside of your physical appearance.
What do you bring to your relationships?
Address your strengths?
What lights you up and brings you joy?
Consider what do you desire for your life?
What do you want to remember about this season of your life?
How can you become a team with your body to tap into some of this?
6. Shift from trying to improve your self-esteem to leaning into the skill of self-compassion
Throughout our lives, we’re taught that feeling good about ourselves should be dependent on our accomplishments or outcomes. This is why so many people seek weight loss or body change to improve their self-esteem and body image.
The problem with trying to improve self-esteem and body image issues in this traditional way is that it allows our worth the hinge on the outcome.
What if you never achieve the outcome (the body) you’ve been grinding away for? Your self-esteem is then put on hold until you get there. And, for the vast majority, the cultural ideal of thinness and beauty is unattainable and genetically out of reach.
Be kind to yourself!
Self-compassion on the other hand cuts through the belief that worth is dependent on anything. It normalizes and validates our feeling and allows us to offer kindness and respect to ourselves when we are struggling and when we are feeling good.
Self-compassion is a skill that is developed over time for most of us, especially when a critical voice, outcome-driven voice has been in charge for so long.
Kristen Neff, the leading researcher on self-compassion, says “whenever I notice something about myself that I don’t like, or whenever something goes wrong in my life, I silently repeat the following phrases: This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. Or, can I be kind to myself in this moment? Can I give myself the compassion I need?”
When you’re struggling through body image attacks, try to lean into self-compassion. Here are some self-compassionate statements to get you started:
I’m doing the best I can right now and that is enough
My body supports me in these ways…
I’m worthy even as I struggle
It’s painful to realize that I’ve hinged my worth on my body for so many years. I’m doing my best to learn another way.
I’m doing my best to be respectful of my body
These thoughts are painful and I’m doing my best to care for myself
I am learning to allow myself to feel and understand my emotions, even when it is uncomfortable
I’m learning to be more compassionate with myself
7. Get comfortable in your body
Put the clothes aside that make you feel uncomfortable.
Box up the clothes that you’re waiting to fit into.
Focus on wearing what feels most comfortable on your body.
Have a default outfit that you can put on when you’re really struggling with getting ready to go out.
Try to soothe your senses in moments of intense struggle- consider what is soothing to your body- blankets, smells, tastes, textures, sounds.
Give yourself permission to soothe your physical body when nothing else is working.
8. Consider what would make you feel most embodied in your life at this moment.
When talking about body image issues, we love to shift the conversation to embodiment.
Dr. Niva Piran refers to the embodiment as the way we live in our bodies as we engage in the world. According to BeNourished, Dr. Piran cites 5 dimensions of embodied living:
1. Body-self Connection- the quality of connection to the body and the degree of comfort we feel in our body as we engage with the body in the world
2. Agency: both physical agency and also agency of voice, to speak up and advocate for self.
3. Desire: experience and expression of bodily desires. Can we connect to appetite? Can we connect to sexual desire? And through that connection, respond to it in a way that we choose, but with joy, as we wish, with attunement, and with self-care?
4. Self-attunement: how can we engage with the world while we are being attuned to our bodily needs, to our relational needs, to our emotional needs, and also the need for meaningful engagement with the world? In what ways are we suppressing that?
5. Resisting objectification: how can we live in the world and resist the pressures of self-objectification
When learning to cope with negative body image, considering these dimensions of the embodiment can be empowering. Remember, you can choose to shift toward being more embodied in your life by living from the inside out, instead of focusing on controlling the outside.
9. Build boundaries around diet/body talk with people in your life.
If you’re struggling with body image issues, the last thing you need is incessant talk about body change, the latest greatest diet, and conversations that center around body bashing.
Consider the people you spend the most time with. How can you express to them that these types of conversations are harmful to you? What would you rather talk about when you spend time together? How can these important people in your life support you?
When dealing with body image issues boundaries matter!
Setting boundaries around what you’re able and willing to talk about not only protects you but also strengthens the part of you that is invested in your healing. It’s ok to put your own need first. In fact, it’s something I wish we had all been taught from an early age.
Boundaries around food and body talk are necessary for most people who are healing from body image issues.
10. Express gratitude for what is
Gratitude connects us to what is and can be grounding when negative thoughts come rushing in.
Gratitude for the body that carries you through the day. And for the ability to move through the world. For breathing fresh air, feeling joy, pleasure, and pain.
When expressing gratitude, make sure you’re being real. Find one part of living in your body that you can be grateful for, that’s enough of a start. When you feel ready, keep looking for what else is here- what else do you feel gratitude for?
The team here at Reclaim Therapy knows how hard it is to struggle with body image.
We hope that these tips support you in having strategies to turn to on those bad body image days.
Remember, healing takes time, practice, and patience.
You deserve to feel more peaceful living in your body. And you might not believe it right now, but your body is a good one.
We’ll continue holding that belief for you if you’re not ready to hold it for yourself.
🧡,
Begin Body Image Therapy, and Begin Overcoming Body Image Issues in Pennsylvania!
Here at Reclaim Therapy, we love being able to work with people all over the state of Pennsylvania. Like we’ve shared, online therapy in Pennsylvania can be a great option for most people.
Our body image and eating disorder therapists are prepared to support you in coming home to your body and creating a peaceful relationship with food. Contact us today and begin therapy!
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At Reclaim Therapy in Pennsylvania, we have dedicated eating disorder and body image therapists passionate about helping people recover from disordered eating and trauma.
We also specialize in treating childhood trauma, body-image issues, binge and emotional eating and eating disorders. All of our services are offered in our Horsham, PA offices and via online therapy in Pennsylvania.