Reclaim You- What to Do When Motivation in Recovery Wanes
Like, follow and leave us a comment on YouTube, Apple Podcasts or Spotify!
In this conversation, Sarah and Casey discuss what to do when motivation in recovery wanes. They use the analogy of gardening to illustrate how motivation can waver and how external factors can impact progress. They emphasize the importance of adjusting expectations, setting boundaries, and finding joy in other areas of life to maintain momentum. They also highlight the need for support and compassion during the challenging journey of recovery. Overall, they encourage listeners to be kind to themselves and recognize the small successes along the way.
Takeaways
Motivation in recovery and in life can waver due to external factors and changing circumstances.
Adjusting expectations and setting boundaries can help maintain motivation.
Finding joy in other areas of life can contribute to overall momentum.
Support and compassion from others are crucial during the recovery journey.
Recognizing and celebrating small successes is important for long-term progress.
Thanks for listening to Reclaim You with Reclaim Therapy!
To learn more about Reclaim Therapy and how to work with a therapist on the team, head to https://www.reclaimtherapy.org.
Be sure to comment, like and subscribe here, or on YouTube and come follow along on Instagram!
-
Sarah (00:00)
Hey everybody, welcome back to Reclaim You. Casey's here today and we're talking all about what to do when the motivation for recovery just isn't there or motivation for at life things, lifey stuff.
Casey (00:16)
Yeah, anything. Life is tough. Very, very real.
Sarah (00:20)
Yeah. Very real, very well. So we were kind of talking about gardens before we started recording. Casey, tell us about your garden. It's gonna tie in, so just hang in there with us. Tell us about your garden this summer.
Casey (00:32)
it will. is motivation ever wavering in the garden? Even on a good year. But it's been a bad year. You know, I think of like, in March and April, where you're like all excited. You're like, my gosh, I'm gonna plant this variety and I'm gonna try this new technique and you know, this is how I'm gonna set it up and everything. And you go to buy stuff and you're investing time
money and sweat and tears and just to get it started, right? Which if you're starting from seed, you literally see nothing in the ground. And then if you're starting from starts, they're like these little babies, right?
Sarah (01:13)
Wait, so do you start from seed or from starts? Okay, okay.
Casey (01:16)
Both. Both depending on the variety. There's some things that don't like to start from seed or they take too long or they germinate fast enough. So everything has their own need, which is a whole other part of this. So I take pictures throughout my years, save them to kind of see what years were good, what years were bad, so on and so forth. And I get really excited. like, I can see this just flourishing.
And then like, in southeast Pennsylvania, we had a very, hot summer. Like a very, very hot, and if anybody's listening from, I don't know, the West Coast, it's not as hot. But we have the humidity that you guys don't have. So it's like swamp. It's like down south mixed with the heat of the West, all in Pennsylvania. It's gross. And because of that, plants don't like that. And so they don't...
Sarah (02:02)
Yeah, it's gross.
Casey (02:13)
flourish. So you get a lot of disease, you get more pests, things don't progress as much as you want them to. know, watering is like, when do I water? I watered and then we had a torrential downpour that nobody planned for and nobody predicted. And it's like, great, I overwatered my plants, which plants also don't like. Things get burnt, know, peppers and stuff like that gets sunburned. And so I'd say probably about
two or three weeks ago. So we're in like July and none of my tomatoes have blushed and no cucumbers have shown up and my green beans are burnt and the only thing doing well is flowers which aren't going to give me any food which is upsetting.
Sarah (03:01)
Well, I'm glad your flowers are at least okay. are burnt to a crisp. Mine are like, singed.
Casey (03:02)
They're really killing it. Mine are killing it. Well, it's because they're hidden. They're hidden between all of the things. And I start spending less time in the garden to the point where my husband starts going, did you water the garden? I was like, I can't tell you the last time I watered the garden. I don't know. Did the rain get there? Maybe. And I noticed that that probably lasted for like three weeks.
I didn't really look that much. Yada yada. And then like this week I went out there. Tomatoes are blushing. My sunflowers have shown up. I have a watermelon and a cantaloupe. Yeah. And my milkweed is doing well. So that's cool. And then lo and behold, what do you know? I'm out there and I'm picking and I'm pulling and
pulling things out that have died and it's like a bummer, right? You put all that effort in and you just pull it out, but it kind of felt good to pull it out. You know, like it's not working. It's not happy. The best thing I can do is just kind of get rid of it to allow other things to flourish. And we had torrential downpour last night and I haven't gone out there since, but I'm sure it's not going to look great. But it doesn't negate the fact that I have
made some progress, and not every year is going to be great. And that's OK. So it does not also deter me from doing it next year.
because I remember my first year was a joke. I mean, that's not compassionate, but looking at it now, I'm like, no, stop. you know what? By year five, you're going to be killing it. I'm just saying.
Sarah (04:46)
It was probably the way mine looks like right now. yeah, this is year one and it's a hot mess out there.
I texted Amanda, the dietician on, with Reclaimed Nutrition, and I was like, does this look right? I can't remember what it was. It was like a couple months ago, and she's like, you can do it!
Casey (05:08)
That's because I'm always saying to her, you can do it when she's like, this thing's dying, right? So gardeners come together, right? There's tons of Facebook groups and YouTube and all kinds of stuff where you see other people struggling, whether it's like, this is the worst gardening year I've ever had, or how to take care of things in the heat, blah, blah, blah, blah. So you realize that it's not your personal fault.
but rather it's just the world that we live in and we can't do much about it. The best thing we can do is adjust. So drum roll please. How? What? is there a thing for that? Drum roll please.
Sarah (05:44)
Wait, wait, wait, there might be, hold on, there might be a thing for that. Hold on. Here we go, drum
We're testing out new features!
Casey (06:04)
I loved it. That was everything. This connects to recovery, right? Because a lot of times, you know, we come into this journey, whether it's recovery from an eating disorder or just healing from trauma, and you show up and you're like, okay, anything's got to be better than this. Right? I feel sick and tired of being sick and tired.
somebody tells me there's a different way, somebody has some positive to show me, you know, I'm down or I'm a little trepidatious or I'm really uncertain and I don't know how this is going to look, but usually you have some form of expectation and then you get into it and you're like, wait, so I'm doing this thing and it's uncovering more and then
This is totally left field from like eating disorder or like you just get more and more deep into the complexities of everything and it gets overwhelming. On top of that, just like gardening, it's not my full -time job. Therapy is not someone's full -time job. Their dietician is not their full -time job. So having to keep that as a priority 24 hours a day, seven days a week is exhausting.
I think the thing I hear most from clients is like, am so sick of talking about my eating disorder. I'm so sick of constantly having to think more about my coping skills or my nervous system or like, do other people live like this? And I have like a mixed bag perspective. I'm like really excited that people see that because I think it's really insightful.
I think it speaks to maybe a more compassionate journey of like, yes, this is a lot more work than the general public has to put into their life or is willing to put into their life. At the same time though, does that tell us something? Does it tell us that, you know, maybe we have too much on our plate or maybe, you know, we're going into this like really, really hard.
And it is too much and overwhelming. Maybe we need to take a step back, slow down. You know, that a lot of people go into this journey and they think abstinence only model because a lot of our recovery, therapeutic modalities believe in abstinence. I should correct that, not therapeutic modalities, 12 step modalities believe in abstinence and it can.
Sarah (08:56)
But higher levels of care too, right? There can be this idea of, just stop, and we're gonna do this so that you stop the thing, and we're gonna stop the behavior, and we're gonna recover, and whatever. It feels very black and white.
Casey (09:00)
Right.
Yes, agreed, agreed. And the idea that you get out of those programs and you just go into life and that's supposed to be sustainable. And most of the time it's not. And people often blame themselves, right? If I was in this for this long and I'm investing this much time, how do I go out of this and not have motivation to keep it going? Well,
It's like if a garden goes from a nice safe greenhouse and then it transfers to out in the open where there's elements that it can't control and there's less protection and less resources and less nutrients. Like it doesn't have the same stuff. So when things change, things change. And it's the same thing in outpatient. know, if you, you know, we have our between
you know therapists we have all the summertime beginning of summertime is a trigger point or Christmas and the holidays is a trigger point or the New Year is a trigger point those are like your seasonal ones, but there's also you know, seeing my really fat phobic aunt and that really screwed me up or caught up with my college friends and You know, I haven't seen them in a couple of years and I'm really scared. They're gonna see how I've changed and
I'm starting a new job, I don't have time for recovery, right? This is another priority in my life. And all of those are extremely valid. Nobody comes up to me and says, I'm a piece of shit because I haven't watered my garden for three weeks. Why?
Sarah (10:54)
I mean, I might say that.
Casey (10:58)
Well, listen, you're just proving my point. Okay? That's not doing you any favors.
Sarah (11:04)
It's not doing me any favors. It's not helping my motivation to get out there and figure out why all my plants are diseased.
Casey (11:10)
You can't shame yourself into this, right? So to look at this and say, okay, if I don't judge myself for that, why would I judge myself for my situation completely changing and life changing and me expecting to stay the same? Because really that's diet culture in a nutshell, right? It's like, no matter what you're feeling, what's going on,
Sarah (11:14)
Yep.
Casey (11:37)
you have to eat your meal plan and that's it and that's the way it goes. Why would we abide by the same structure in life? I don't think that makes sense. It's not helpful. So when motivation is lacking, you know, for the garden, it was things I couldn't control. It was, you know, life got lifey and I didn't have as much time to invest in it. Or I had all these high hopes and
The weather just screwed them all up. And I was upset. When looking at those, right, I can't change the weather, you know, and if that impacts some of my motivation, then that's kind of okay. But getting rid of diseased plants, that's something I could do when I had the space to do it. Was it when they first got diseased? Absolutely not. Like a weeks.
But now that they're gone, it looks better, it might function better. So thinking of things like boundaries, which are difficult. But if there's a certain person or a certain situation in your life that's throwing you off and kind of wavering you in your recovery, then maybe that's something to assess. Is that making motivation harder?
is that making recovery feel more like a chore because you're constantly having to fight something. Really. Are your expectations of yourself too strict, too high, too structured? Right? Because my friend who was in recovery did it this fast, then I need to recover this fast. Or my parent is saying like, you've been in therapy for however long, why is that you not fixed? Which
Let us as therapists say that is incorrect. Can't fix it, there's nothing wrong with you. But everybody has their own timeline. So the pressure, right? So more pressure you put on yourself, the less motivation you have. I wonder why. Because it's not sustainable. Right? So I think for eating disorder recovery specifically, there's a lot of things that can throw you off. A lot.
Sarah (13:41)
Right.
Casey (14:05)
whether that's physical changes in recovery, whether that's internal or just body change in general, whether it's medical fat phobia as you're going through recovery, whether it's people in your life that just don't fucking get it, whether it's, I don't know, some triggering Instagram post you saw that just throws you for a loop. It's constant, you know, and you can't get away from it. So that's why we come at.
all of our treatment with harm reduction. That's the goal. How do we make life a little bit easier for you? How do we make life a little less painful, a little less of a struggle? And that's not always, I'm going to be fully recovered in X amount of years and it's all going to look great. It doesn't look like that for most, if not all people. So measuring the small successes.
When your motivation is wavering, often ask clients, like, okay, can you go back to when you first came in here? Tell me how you felt. And sometimes they'll say, well, I feel the same as I did back then. And I go, well, yes, you might feel the same, but what has
Okay, so maybe it's my headspace today that is making us feel wonky, but that also makes me not be able to see the progress that has come. So that's our job as supportive people to help people see what they cannot due to kind of being in the hole. Which I think we've all been in the hole before, whether it's about gardening or our mental health or whatever. We haven't.
Sarah (15:48)
yeah, in and out. Right, yeah,
Casey (15:56)
We have been where that is, you know, so who am I to judge that? I can't. And motivation, just because like we go into a therapy session or into a week having limited motivation does not mean that we gain it back that week either. Might be days, weeks, months, years, you know, depending on the situation that you're in. I told Sarah at the beginning before we recorded this, said,
You know, I feel like I always say this prior to our podcast specifically together, is I don't have a wonderful motivational answer to how to gain motivation. I think the most important thing is to listen to the lack thereof. What it's telling you. You're scared, you're stressed, you're overwhelmed, you're depressed, et cetera, et cetera. And we're not.
robots.
Sarah (16:58)
Yeah, yeah. And I think too, like when we think about motivation, I think we can consider like momentum, right? Like maybe it's not so much about motivation. Maybe it's more so about even just like the tiniest bit of momentum because engaging with the lack of motivation is still helping you maintain momentum, right? You're being curious about your experience. You're trying to figure out like what's what.
Casey (17:07)
Mm -hmm.
Sarah (17:27)
where you are, what's challenging, what's easy. I think that that's, it's an important part because we're not always gonna have motivation like you just said, right? But if we can stay engaged with ourselves through those kind of down, down slopes, I guess, the momentum should carry us into something. know, whether it's in two months or two years, the more you stay engaged, the more you maintain some momentum towards where you're hoping to go.
Casey (17:48)
Mmm.
Yeah. And I guess I don't know how you see the momentum thing, but for me, it's almost like it's not the fake it till you make it. It's not that I want to make sure no one perceives it. But like, there are some things that we do in our journey that we do just to do, you know, and for someone who is depressed, that could be
Sarah (18:10)
no, no.
Mm
Casey (18:28)
You know, did I go into this journey thinking I was going to be able to brush my teeth seven days a week? Sure. When I realized I'm only doing it three, did I feel like, screw it, I'm just going to throw in the towel. And I tell my clients that it's every three days you're a winner. If you took a shower like twice this week or like sponge bath or whatever, like that's good. If you showed up to work, I don't know what you did and I don't really care.
But if you showed up, that's great. Or if you talked to somebody about how you felt, but you still felt shitty, when? You know, like, it doesn't mean you feel totally rejuvenated doing all of these things. And I think that kind of speaks to momentum. It's like sometimes we just continue to do the thing, even though it doesn't have as much spark as it used to. Like, yeah, well, I've been brushing my teeth for
Sarah (19:20)
Right, right.
Casey (19:25)
however many years and it's like okay, that's not exciting, what motivates me to be here. It's like okay, well like let's slow down. Brushing your teeth is important. I always pick brushing my teeth. I don't know why. It is a hard one.
Sarah (19:37)
Well, it's a hard one. It's a hard one, especially when folks are like struggling with depression. Really, it's a really hard one. That and showering,
Casey (19:44)
Totally. And even something like leaving your house. That's even bigger, you know? And if you leave the house, cool, I don't care if you just walk down the street. But those things lose their spice after a while. It's like, you know, clients will come to me. And even in my own journey, I'm like, okay, I've been doing the same fucking thing for how many months or years? Like, when am I gonna get to the next step? Right? It's like, okay. Like, we can get there.
Sarah (20:08)
Mm -hmm.
Casey (20:12)
But like, can we have a better relationship with this little step that you've taken and have consistently done? I think momentum and consistency are like cousins. And consistency is something that we, I think is like the caveat to true change, especially in recovery. You know, it's like we go and we do it for a couple months and then relapse, which
Sarah (20:19)
Mm -hmm.
Yeah.
absolutely. Yeah.
Casey (20:40)
is okay, nothing wrong with that. But it does, and then we're back and then it's hard and the more consistency we have in all of these things, then the easier it is. And so if consistency is brushing your teeth for six months and then we talk about the next thing while we're talking about other things, that's cool. That's a win.
Sarah (20:41)
Right, right.
Yeah, absolutely.
Casey (21:04)
So I really think it's the overarching perception of what we think healing looks like, as we've talked about before. And number two is that we don't live in a vacuum. When you go into our therapeutic spaces, they're safe, they're quiet, they're calm, they're non -judgmental, they're supportive. And then I don't know, I mean, I relatively know what happens when you leave and it's not always great.
you know, from at least a nervous system perspective, you can feel very safe in the room with me and then you go out to your family and you're in fight or flight again. Does that mean you failed? No. It means your body did exactly what it needed to do. And so if you have more compassion towards that, the more motivated you are to start to heal.
So if I judged my garden and said that I was at fault for the blight, I was at fault for the tomatoes not blushing, I was at fault for the sunburn, I would never go out there again. No, it would just rot and be gross. But if I understand that there's a lot of that that's out of my control and that I can be consistent in doing something, whether that's just going outside and looking at
Sarah (22:01)
Mm -hmm.
Casey (22:25)
I might not do anything with it, but I'll just look at it. And then maybe I'll pick it, maybe I'll play with it and take pictures of it and whatever. And that's enough. That keeps my motivation going so that I'm not fearful of starting another one. And I think that's important for the longevity of my green thumb. Same thing for
Sarah (22:44)
Yeah, I love
Yeah, I think too, when we think about motivation, I think when folks, you know, they're starting therapy, right? And they're like, yes, I'm gonna do this, right? Like I'm all in like the, it's like the energy is there. And then life gets lifey, things get hard, right? And maybe there's not as much excitement or even like time, as much time as you had thought there would be.
Casey (23:02)
Mm -hmm.
Sarah (23:17)
to really focus on this thing. I think that that can also, you know, just get in the way of motivation because your energy is going so many other places, right? Just, you know, work, family, if you're struggling with other things, right? Like there isn't energy often to go to all of the places. I'm thinking about this because of my garden, right? I was like, I'm do this thing. It's gonna be a hobby, right? Like turns out I kept forgetting, even though it looked beautiful when I was outside, I kept forgetting.
because I had 700 other things to do, even though I wanted a new hobby, right? Maybe not as much time in the day for such hobby or for other people, all of the recovery things or whatever. And I think what can help sometimes is to find joy in other places, right? So you had at one point some motivation to start the process, to start recovery, to go to treatment, to start therapy, to work with a dietician, whatever it is, right?
there is some spark there, maybe you're not feeling it in that area anymore, can you feel it in other places? Like where is the spark? Where is that edge of like pull towards something, whether that's fun or creativity or something. It's like lighting these things up in our bodies can have a really wonderful impact across the board, not towards just one thing.
Casey (24:21)
Mmm.
Mmm, yeah. Which is trial and error, you know? I remember my own healing journey. My husband will be laughing hysterically at this, because he was present. I started trying to make candles.
Listen, I was gung -ho. I was like, I am so bitter about life right now, but like I need something. it sounded great. Yeah, in theory. Yeah. And then I'm in the kitchen with this like horrible colored candle all over the counter. I'm like, man.
Sarah (25:05)
That sounds fun. No? Okay, okay.
Casey (25:22)
I'm so bitter and I'm so angry and this candle is not working. But it was a representation of how I was just feeling. Right. And like maybe my mindset going into that was still bitter and angry and resentful. And so this candle was representing how I was feeling, you know. So like your garden represents like this realization of of time and time allocated and
Sarah (25:22)
Ugh.
Yeah. Yeah.
huh. Yeah. Yeah.
Casey (25:50)
priorities and things like that, which is neutral. It just is. And, you know, there's a lot of people, and I remember this in my own journey, who had no idea that I was struggling, let alone doing something about it. And I think I can resonate with a lot of my clients who are doing this journey fairly alone. And that makes motivation very difficult when you don't have a cheer squad being like, you know, asking you
Sarah (25:54)
Yeah, just as.
Mm -hmm.
Casey (26:19)
how it's going or helping you with meals or asking you about your appointments, it can feel very lackluster. We all need connection. We all need someone cheering us on. And sometimes it's just your team. And if that's you and you feel kind of lack of momentum or motivation, I don't blame you. Right? So like, let's take that with some
Sarah (26:29)
Absolutely.
Mm -hmm.
Casey (26:48)
through just understanding it and saying, okay, then maybe like a goal is to eventually have some cheerleaders. But right now, can I make my expectations of myself kind considering I feel quite lonely?
So I think time, don't know, shit hitting the fan in your life, but also the loneliness of sometimes a very personal journey can make motivation.
Sarah (27:19)
Yep. Yep. Which is normal, right? It's normal. Yeah. Yeah. And recovery is hard, right? Like we're comparing to the garden, but recovery is hard. Shit is hard. Yeah. Yeah. Cause yeah, like I can just like scrap my garden, which I probably will do like fine. Like throwing it all out. I could compost. I might just put it in the cornfield. I have a big cornfield in my backyard. So with all my rotten tomatoes, I've just been throwing them into the cornfield cause the deer.
Casey (27:22)
Okay.
Fuck yeah. Yeah, gardening ain't no thing compared to recovery. No way.
You can compost
Here we go.
Pay forward.
Sarah (27:49)
Yeah, the deer are out there and the fox and the whatever live in my backyard. I'm not sure. Yeah, feeding all the wild animals. I'm sure my neighbors are happy. Anyway, all that to say, recovery is hard as shit. yeah.
Casey (27:58)
Exactly. But, right, and it's your life. And I think the pressure that that puts on, rather than my, I don't know, bladed tomato plants, it's an analogy, not a parallel, right? But I think that recognizing because it is your life and your life is important and your life has value,
Sarah (28:12)
Right. Absolutely.
Yes.
Casey (28:26)
that it's so much more important for you to notice the little steps, the little things that keep you more here, more alive, less suffering. That's what we're here for. We all still have suffering in our lives and struggles and anxiety and we show up for our clients with that humanness, but sometimes our motivation lacks too, we're human.
So we get it. It's not fun. Recovery's hard as shit.
Sarah (29:06)
Anything you want to add before we wrap
Casey (29:11)
No. I mean, hang in. You know, if your garden looks like shit right now, you're not alone. If your recovery feels like a hot tamale mess, been there. Sucks. It'll get better. Just not probably on your timeline. Just like my blinded tomato plants, they just can't do anything about it. Best thing you can do.
Sarah (29:12)
Hang
I'm right there with you.
Mm -hmm. Been there. Yep.
Casey (29:39)
If you have supports, let them know where you're at. Therapist, friend, family, community. And just ride the wave. It's not about fixing it right now. You know, your therapist can help you with that. But sometimes it's just feeling the suck. it's okay.
Sarah (29:49)
Yeah.
Yep. Yep. And like staying tethered to yourself through it, right? Not not what's the word I'm looking for.
Casey (30:07)
strength.
Sarah (30:09)
Yes, not straying from yourself.
Thanks, Casey.
Casey (30:19)
Thank you.
Sarah (30:20)
Good luck with your garden for the rest of summer.
Casey (30:22)
Keep posting.
Sarah (30:24)
Yeah, please do. Please do. I have one cucumber.
Casey (30:29)
Yeah, hey, you're thriving. You're thriving.
Sarah (30:32)
Yep. Yep. I don't know if it's a cucumber anymore because it turned yellow. Is that what's supposed to happen?
Casey (30:40)
It's a little over right, but that's okay.
Sarah (30:41)
I was like, I should pick that. And somebody was like, no, leave it. It needs more time. And so I left it. Now it's yellow.
Casey (30:51)
Yes, this is probably overripe. I think your deer will love that.
Sarah (30:54)
Okay, all right. Thank you very much, I appreciate that. All right, everybody.
Well, we'll be back next week and yeah, until then take good
Reclaim Therapy is a group of trauma therapists that provide trauma therapy, therapy for eating disorders, EMDR Therapy and Complex PTSD treatment.
Our team is passionate about helping people reclaim their lives from diet culture, body shame and the impact of trauma.
We would love to support you as you Reclaim YOU and the life that you undeniably deserve.