Reclaim You- Self Compassion in Trauma & Eating Disorder Recovery
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In this episode of Reclaim You, Sarah and Laura, therapists at Reclaim Therapy and specialists in trauma, eating disorders, and body image, chat about one of the most valuable tools to hone in recovery from trauma, eating disorders and body image concerns. They explore the topic of self-compassion and its role in the journey to healing.
With warmth and humor Sarah and Laura discuss the importance of giving space to our compassionate selves, the power of connecting personal suffering to collective empathy, setting boundaries with kindness, and viewing life's challenges as valuable lessons.
Tune in to gain valuable tools for nurturing self-compassion and embark on a transformative path toward reclaiming your authentic self.
Check out these resources for more on self-compassion:
https://self-compassion.org/
https://www.sarahherstichlcsw.com/blog/self-compassion-assessment
Thanks for listening to Reclaim You with Reclaim Therapy!
To learn more about Reclaim Therapy and how to work with a therapist on the team, head to www.reclaimtherapy.org.
Be sure to comment, like and subscribe here, or on YouTube and come follow along on Instagram!
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[00:01] Sarah: Hi there.
[00:01] Sarah: Welcome to Reclaim You, a podcast published by the Reclaim Therapy team. Join us as we share stories, tools, and insights on how to reclaim you in the wake of trauma, disordered eating, and body shame. Grab your coffee, tea, or your favorite snack and get cozy because we're about to dive in.
[00:19] Sarah: Hi, everybody. Welcome back to reclaim you we're back with Laura this week, and we're talking about probably one of the most important tools that folks can develop and learn more about in their recovery from eating disorders or trauma.
[00:35] Laura: So we're going to talk about the concept of self compassion. Imagine that.
[00:42] Sarah: Yeah.
[00:43] Laura: I wonder how many of us can say we are compassionate with ourselves most of the time.
[00:50] Sarah: Most of the time, yes. Or we try to be most of.
[00:55] Laura: The time, it's not easy. And some of us don't even learn. It's not even a normalized thing. Right. And then someone points it out to you and you're like, oh, that seems obvious. How have I missed that all my life?
[01:10] Sarah: Right? Yeah. And like, oh, that's really easy. I'll just do that. When in fact, maybe not as easy as it appears.
[01:20] Laura: Or see, exactly.
[01:24] Sarah: Yeah, we'll talk about that a bit in saying that. Why do you think it is that it feels like such a hard tool? I mean, for me included, right. To be self compassionate?
[01:35] Laura: I think in part, our society is not one that is constructed on a foundation of compassion for each other, for anyone, in a lot of ways, especially let's look at Western culture, particularly the United States. We live in a capitalist country, so it's about individual success. There's a lot of individuality brought into it. And I'm not bashing capitalism. I'm just saying that it sets a tone. Right. And so individualism focusing on individual success, focusing on I have to do better and make better. And then this productivity culture we live in that like, I am what I produce, I am what I'm able to make earn. The first thing people say to you when you meet them is, oh, so what do you do for a living? Not how are you today? Or tell me about yourself. Right. And even if they do say that, it's first and foremost, I'm a this, I'm a that. So I think that sets us up from a young age. And if we look at just I worked in universities for over a decade, and just the pressure to get into good universities, the pressure to perform nowadays, well, it's been for a while now, even to get into a preschool. So from a very young age, I think we're conditioned to believe that we have to always be doing better, that we always have to be producing. And if we don't, which, by the way, oh, if we're human and we can't always be on like that, if we need a break from that, it's really hard to give ourselves compassion because the whole world's saying, oh no, this isn't allowed. We don't allow breaks here. We don't do this, we don't do that. You're not 40 hours. Why are you not working 80 hours a week? From a societal standpoint, from that sort of like macro level, we're not set up to learn how to do that very well. And then I think as well, I come as well from a religious background, right, where there's a lot of preaching compassion for others, but often there is this focus on sinfulness and all the things I've done wrong. So in a way, twelve step programs, which I think twelve step programs have great aspects to them. I was a drug and alcohol counselor for years, but this whole sort of like I have to make myself humble, but in a berating way, right? Sometimes some people really I have to account for all of my errors and my ways and things like that. Some of that, when it's combined with this culture that we live in, you're seeking help from religion or you're seeking help from a twelve step program or something else, but what you're getting in response is, well, it's your fault, you're the sinner, you're the one who's the alcoholic or the addict. Versus a more compassionate response might look like, well, let's see, why is it that this is happening in life right now? Let's look at what led to this place and what brought you here. And let's not assume that this is a path you chose willingly, that there might be other things at play.
[04:41] Sarah: Yeah. And alongside of that, I'm thinking of families of origin and the language. I think that a lot of us grew up around the language of shame, the language of blame, right. That you're doing something wrong, which then could be interpreted as then I am bad, or I am whatever it is, which is like the opposite of the compassionate narrative. So we're raised in these ways of being and believing about ourselves lots of times, and then to consider that there's another way to function in the world outside of just like judging the **** out of yourself and expecting more and then judging the **** out of yourself for not reaching for more or whatever it is. It's like, oh, well, how can something else even work? Even though the whole judgment thing and shame thing and blame thing, that's not working either.
[05:34] Laura: Yeah, I think that's spot on in so many ways, and I think that tied into as well, feeling your feelings is not okay in a lot of families, especially, I want to point out, for men, that continues to be an issue. We talk about toxic masculinity that still, I think, is at play in many ways. But yeah, if you live in an environment where there is a lot of shame around those things, you're going to do anything you can not to act that way. Because there was a consequence to that. And it really is hard to unlearn these things. I mean, I can't tell you in session how many times I just pause with a client and say, okay, is there a different way you could say that? If you were talking to a friend right now, would you say that to them in that way? Or oh, well, no, I would never I would never judge someone like that. I would never talk to someone like that, me included, right? Like, I've been the client in the session saying that we have no regard for our own value and our own worth, to give ourselves that same compassion. Which is sad.
[06:37] Sarah: Yeah, it is. And when we say compassion, maybe we should have talked about this earlier. Can you define it? Can you define compassion, self compassion? What it maybe means or looks like in practice.
[06:51] Laura: Compassion, if I think about just from if we look at the root of the word, right? And just look at it, calm is with and then that idea of passion coming from the Latin, which means to suffer. So, like, with suffering, suffering alongside someone. So if we sort of reframe that, how do we have the empathy for someone? How do we sit with someone, including ourselves, without judgment, right? How do we acknowledge that someone is suffering versus telling them, oh, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, use your mind. Like you can get over anything. Mind over matter. All of these things that we say instead, what is it like to sit with someone in suffering, to have compassion for them, including yourself? It's very uncomfortable. We don't like it, so we don't do it right, and especially not with ourselves. I think having this presence with yourself, that is non judgmental. Having this presence with yourself, that just allows the space in a safe way to feel whatever it is you're feeling, to gently shift one's perspective or how could I say that different to myself? Or, oh, look at that, I'm beating myself up. I wonder why that is. That's not how I would treat a friend. And then allowing yourself to shift from there versus someone being like, oh, my gosh, there I go again. Yeah, I shouldn't say that. How many times do I say, can we reframe and not use should, right? Let's not should all over ourselves. This is the thing we all say as therapists and someone's like, oh, yeah, I should do that. And there's the judgment, right? And we laugh about it in session, but it's just so easy. We're trapped in that in terms of our language and in terms of our society. But yeah, with suffering. To acknowledge that life is not easy and that as much as the world wants to say that you get this many days to grieve the loss of someone or this many days to recover from an illness or what? Have you? The reality is, as humans, beings, those are constructs of a society that's based on output, production, making money versus what would it look like in a society that just invites someone to be with whatever it is that they need to be with in the moment?
[09:26] Sarah: Yeah. And that sitting with feeling, I know you mentioned earlier, with suffering. It invites that space or brings you into that space of being with what you're feeling which can be so scary for some people and a lot of times the judgment or the self deprecation can be a lot more comfortable because it's familiar. Right. You know what to expect from that. Even if you still feel like ****, it's comfortably uncomfortable in some ways.
[09:57] Laura: Yeah, exactly. That discomfort is a really big thing. I think that keeps us and I want to say this and this gets into maybe we'll do an episode on parts or things like that, but in our practice, we work a lot with parts work, which is kind of looking at all these aspects of myself that show up in different situations. And that the part of you that's being judgmental, the part of you that is shaming and all that stuff. It's actually coming from a place of trying to protect from the discomfort, from the judgment of others. But what happens is we internalize it in a dysfunctional way so that the very thing we're trying to avoid out in the world, if you will, is the very thing we keep bringing ourselves back into or the very thing I'm looking to avoid within is the very thing I keep bringing myself back to. So we can get stuck in those places and shame and blame cycles. We talk about things like that but compassion is an invitation to step out of that and I think it's always helpful to do so with someone who is safe and who can model that for you, like a therapist versus trying it out in places where it wouldn't be safe.
[11:09] Sarah: Yeah. Where do you see this? Or maybe the tension of wanting to be more self compassionate, maybe not having the language or the tools or the space and the safety to do so. Particularly in eating disorder recovery. What kind of gets in the way? What are the sticking points?
[11:29] Laura: Well, I'd like to refer everyone to our podcast episodes about diet, culture and authenticity and everything that we've done so far.
[11:40] Sarah: Yes.
[11:40] Laura: When we think about someone who is suffering from an eating disorder, the way that I look at it and what I talk to my clients about is that this really is about you are this embodied person who cannot tolerate being in your body. Right. It is so uncomfortable, it is so unsafe to be in one's body that one has to use symptoms in order to basically self soothe or in order to numb out. And the same could be said about drugs and alcohol, the same could be said about work. And so I think that it's really hard to have compassion with ourselves, particularly with an eating disorder because the world and the diet culture is out there every step of the way. You don't go far and you find it. You open up your phone, you walk out the door. And so even if you're practicing it, there's this whole sort of tidal wave of information that's telling you you're wrong, that you're making excuses for yourself, that you should look like this and not this, that embracing your body as it is. It's just an excuse to be lazy and not work out. I mean, I could go on. I've said these things all to myself. People have said them to me, I've heard them in sessions. So I think it makes it really difficult to have compassion. I also think there's a huge element of trauma around those of us who develop eating disorders. And when we've experienced traumatic situations, traumatic we have traumatic backgrounds, we're suffering in that way. Trauma doesn't lead to a compassionate way of living unless you work with someone and find your way through it and heal. Trauma just leads us back into that shame and blame cycle. Like it must be my fault. So I am in this body and I don't like this body and the only person I have to blame is myself. Or if we look at the medical model, oh, you're not feeling well? Oh well, I'm not going to talk about how all your blood work is fine and how there's nothing on paper that says you're unhealthy. But what I'm going to tell you instead is you need to lose weight. Even though I have no evidence to support that. Besides the medical model that we've been a part of for so long, that fat shames and the fat shaming too. Regardless of if you're in a fat body or not, the fat shaming impacts all of us body dysmorphia seeing yourself differently than how others see you and just constantly seeing yourself through a lens of I'm bad, I'm not good enough. In order for me to be worthy, I need to change. And then I get caught up in symptoms to try and do that. And inevitably, what happens with an eating disorder, we get caught up in symptoms, they're not sustainable. Over the long run, we come back to old ways of being and doing and then we get stuck in that shame and blame cycle.
[14:48] Sarah: Yeah. And it feels like a way out of the shame and blame is self compassion. Right? It's funny how it all goes together, right? The lack of self compassion can lead to these shame and blame cycles. Symptom use being disembodied and one of the exit strategies can be developing the skill of being more self compassionate or even as simple as recognizing when you're suffering because even that is a step into being a bit more compassionate with yourself.
[15:19] Laura: How many people do we encounter and in our own lives, where it's like, so tell me what emotions are coming up for you? Or how are you feeling? And it's like, I feel fat, which is not an emotion. We talk about that all the time in this type of work. People just not being able to tune in, not being able to even name what's going on because they are so disembodied, they are so disconnected from self, because self has been so tied to shame, to blame. And you're right, the true path out of that is going to be self compassion, which is not easy, which is countercultural, counterintuitive for many of us and require it's a practice. I always say to folks, this isn't about perfection. This is just practicing it day in and day out with yourself. And, oh, I caught myself not being compassionate myself. Let me have compassion that I caught myself. Of course. And people laugh at me and are like, oh, so we're just going to get caught in a cycle. We're never accountable. And I'm like, It's not that you're not accountable.
[16:20] Sarah: Yeah, good point.
[16:22] Laura: Yeah, it's about let's compare how I feel when I treat myself one way versus how I feel when I treat myself the other way. And, oh, by the way, let's look at how I'm feeling and then how that impacts my relationships with others, how that impacts how I'm interacting with others. When I see people acting out in relationships in ways that are harmful, by and large, it's because there's something inside of them that's unable to offer themselves the compassion they need. They never learned it. And we see that with personality disorders, like this huge hole. So I am so bad that I can't even be compassionate enough with myself to note that I messed up. So instead, I blame everyone else. It's everyone else's fault. Yeah. I think it's an internal process, yes. But it has ripple effects throughout our lives, throughout our relationships, throughout the world. In a lot of ways, how we treat ourselves is how we treat others.
[17:24] Sarah: Yeah. And that's such a great point that being self compassionate doesn't mean not taking responsibility for when you're being really ****** to your partner or whatever. Right. You can still claim responsibility and be self compassionate. It's like holding both of those things together. It's okay. It doesn't have to be so black and white, one or the other, taking responsibility and tearing yourself to shreds. Or I was suffering, so this is all justified. Maybe there's the nuance of holding both, which is also outside of the cultural paradigm of like, yes, everything has to be so concretely black and white, which makes it even more kind of confusing and hard to wrap your mind around at times.
[18:10] Laura: And we live in a litigious culture. Like, we live in a culture that wants to assign blame. Right? Assign responsibility. And I'm not in any way saying that's a bad thing. I think something we work with extensively in therapy is the process of starting to take responsibility for ourselves after years of being disconnected. And that's not easy, but I think that how to hold both. I remember saying, I don't remember who it was or when it was. Maybe it was client, maybe it was a friend. But that concept of this is a reason. It's not an excuse, right? So I might say to my partner, I've just really had a bad day, and you did this thing again that triggered me, and so it's your fault that I am being an ******* to you versus, hey, I know that what I just said to you really hurt you, and I want to apologize. And I know we've talked about this, and I am going to do everything I can to get the help that I need to continue this work, because I want to do that for myself, but I also want to do it for us. That's a different approach, right? Like, you're taking responsibility, but you're also acknowledging, like, I need help. I can't do this on my own.
[19:30] Sarah: I'm a human who is suffering in this moment.
[19:33] Laura: Yeah. And I'm being an ******* because of it, and that's not okay. I don't want to be an *******. Yeah. I often say to my husband, he can get caught up in these cycles, and I can as well. I'll say, hey, that's my husband you're talking about. Can you please stop? He's a pretty amazing guy. I love him. And you're just, like, ******** all over him. And we have our language, we have our way. And he kind of snaps out, and he's like, I know. I don't know why I do that. And then he starts beating himself up for doing it, right? And I'm like okay. Cycle, cycle, cycle. Here we go. And he's not alone. I think I can relate to that extensively. I think many of our clients, if not most of them, can.
[20:18] Sarah: Yeah. Because, again, it comes back to this practicing of a skill that doesn't come easy. Right. It grows with more practice. It grows with more acknowledgment. Even acknowledging that you're beating yourself up can be hard because it becomes such a familiar language. It's just part of the everyday. It's so natural. It comes second nature. And to acknowledge, like, oh, that actually doesn't feel great. When I beat myself up for these things, it doesn't feel actually good. So to even acknowledge that that it's not helpful is a big step. That inner critic is hard to tame.
[20:54] Laura: And when we start doing work on this with my clients, the first step in the process when I'm working with them, is, hey, can we just sit together with your inner critic? Or can we just sit together with that little girl inside of you that didn't get the love that she needed, and let's just sit with her. And if she needs to be across the street, somewhere else, that's okay. Because sometimes even the idea of sitting with that part of us is too much for people. But we start by just sitting with so suffering alongside suffering with. And then slowly we get to know that part of ourselves in a kind and compassionate way versus the tendency in all of us is those parts of us that are showing up that are really challenging, we want to push them away, like, get out of here, get out of here, get out of here. The more you do that, the more likely it is that they're going to show up even more. And it's just going to complicate and further exacerbate the shaming, the blaming, the lack of compassion for self. So yeah. What is it to sit with yourself in a compassionate way? I say that some people, they start crawling out of their skin right away. That's where I think having someone in the room with you is helpful. And then you're right. Like, practicing it in the beginning, it might just be little things each day. And I say to folks, heck, if you do it once this week, that's more than you did it last week, so let's start there. Right?
[22:25] Sarah: Yeah.
[22:26] Laura: And I always say to my clients, if you don't get to it, you don't get to it. Right. I don't want you to beat yourself up about that. And we'll talk about in session what was coming up around it. That was a barrier. Because that tells me there's something else that we need to maybe address. So even having compassion that way, at the end of the day, if they don't do the work, they're not going to see the benefit of healing and change. Right. So there still is an accountability factor. There still is this aspect of them bearing the consequences of their actions or inactions. But it's not my job as their therapist to come down on them about that in a really mean, harsh way. Like they might get from their parents or from their boss or whatever. Instead, it's like, oh, isn't that interesting, let's be curious about that. Why is that? And sometimes we have to have hard conversations as therapists, right. But we try to do so with as much compassion as possible. Because when those things come up in session, it offers an opportunity for us to model, hey, this is a different way that this could go. And what is that like for you?
[23:38] Sarah: Yeah. And even when you were saying that, I was thinking just that of that modeling, of like, let's just be curious about this. Let's drop out of the shoulds. And I didn't and what's wrong with me dropping out of that, of what else is happening, what else is going on in your world, in your life, what maybe were you avoiding? And being really curious is, again, another way to model and start to invite more grace and compassion into your everyday.
[24:04] Laura: And being patient with yourself is part of self compassion. Anything we do, I think to ground ourselves, to find a place of calm and peace in the day, to be mindful, I think are all methods, ways, tools that we employ that help us with self compassion as well. There needs to be space for that part of us to be able to show up. And for years, often it's been drowned out by all the critical voices and at first the shy self, right, not quite sure, can I show up here or am I just going to be judged? Criticized? So how do we offer that compassion to that shy self and give it the space to begin to take ownership of its rightful place? The self is the one who is compassionate, who is centered, who is caring and giving. It's not the critic, and it doesn't mean the critic goes away, but the self begins to be the one who I begin to operate out of that place of compassion for self and others versus operating out of that place of I'm a victim, I'm wounded, or I'm not good, I'm terrible, I'm judging myself and others. I'm comparing. It's a very different place to operate from.
[25:28] Sarah: And I'm thinking too, of Kristen Neff, who is the primary researcher on self compassion. She speaks to on her website, which we'll link to, but she speaks to this collective suffering too. I think it does make it more approachable for some people of like instead of just focusing on yourself or maybe it's too much to focus on these younger parts of you that are very wounded and suffering and maybe didn't get the love and affection that they needed and focusing on the general community. Right. The community at large that yeah, there's lots of suffering that goes on in the world. Right. So I'm connecting my suffering with the general overall suffering that's happening and let me just be with them, that I'm not alone in all of this.
[26:11] Laura: I think, as well, what I want to say, I think it's important to say is sometimes compassion for and I think Abby did a really great job with us talking about boundaries. So I think many of us, well, many of the folks who show up in my office, if you will, are the ones who will give everything and anything to anyone else but themselves, right? And part of self compassion and practicing it in that place is to say, what would it look like instead if I gave myself some of this energy? What would it look like instead if I started to set some boundaries and to say, you know what? No. I can say no, and it's okay, and I don't have to feel ashamed, guilty, no, I'm sorry. I don't even apologize. Look, I just did it, right? And as women, how often do we apologize? I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
[27:10] Sarah: Being close to someone at the grocery store, right? Like, do it all the time. It's ridiculous. And I'm judging myself, right? But, yeah, we're all conditioned to do this of, oh, I was like, remotely in your space. I'm so sorry.
[27:21] Laura: Yes. Oh, you made a mistake. I'm so sorry that checking me out brought that to light for you. Seriously, I'll get to that point, like, oh, my gosh, I'm just so sorry. And I'm like, you know what? You can have compassion without taking on responsibility that's not your own. But yeah, it's tricky. And I think that's the thing that's so deceptive about it is it's so wound into every aspect of our lives. And so, yeah, it is a practice, and it will be a practice for life. And what a beautiful thing that each day I have this opportunity to come back to my compassionate center and to reacquaint myself with her. And I have this opportunity to look at the world through a new set of compassionate eyes. Whatever my day was yesterday, there's something pretty powerful about that.
[28:16] Sarah: Absolutely. And I'm just thinking of how with you saying that holding and how folks who have experienced trauma and who are in recovery from an eating disorder or struggling with an eating disorder, the tension between the two, right. That struggle, that very necessary for a lot of people who have experienced trauma, disembodiment and disconnection from that true and wise and compassionate self that's inside of all of us. There's a lot of tension and there's no rush or must or should or anything like that. I think it's like sitting with the tension of like, I don't know how to have this language. I don't know how to be this compassionate observer in my own life. And I will maybe desperately want that.
[29:02] Laura: I often will use some somatic experiences with someone or like, EMDR is a really great way sometimes to step into those places to help folks to begin to sit with and tolerate that which is so hard to sit with and tolerate and to do so safely incrementally. Because as much as it's hard to tolerate all the negative things within myself, if you take away the one coping skill that I've had around that, which is to shame myself further and blame myself further, now what do I do? Let me not spread that anger in such a way that I'm creating more hurt and woundedness in myself and in others. I really love this idea. It's in the suffering itself. In sitting with the suffering and acknowledging the suffering, in listening to the suffering, it's that very act of doing so that leads us out of the suffering. Right. Or allows us to sit with the suffering in a different way. Because I think it would be an unfair expectation to think that there's going to be a point where I don't suffer, but I suffer differently.
[30:12] Sarah: Suffer differently.
[30:13] Laura: Yeah. I can tolerate it. I'm not like, falling to pieces because this. Thing happened. Instead, I'm like, okay, all right. And that's a different way of picking yourself up and starting anew than brush.
[30:28] Sarah: It off alongside of you. Yeah.
[30:32] Laura: Brush it off. Okay. But don't throw it in the garbage. This is an opportunity to learn and to grow. And maybe there's something there that life has to teach me and that I can learn it. And I think the people too, who cause us the most suffering, right? A dear friend, colleague, sort of spiritual leader who is Buddhist, someone who is really important in my life when I was living in my wounded self, my victim self, when I was living out of my trauma instead of out of healed and healing places and I would be like and this person, I'm always the victim. It's never my fault. And she would just so very gently remind me, I wonder if this person, what would it be like to think about them as a teacher so that the folks who can cause such great suffering, it's a way to reframe that the experience with them can be this way, that we learn and we grow in ourselves. That being said, if in any way there's real terrible harm being done, step away, right? Like, don't stay with a teacher who is treating you and abusing you in horrible ways, but it's the everyday stuff, like that person at work who gets on every nerve or, okay, so maybe this is an opportunity for me to learn how to be more patient, how to be more compassionate with others.
[31:57] Sarah: And then I do think drive in more concrete boundaries what you're needing and willing to accept in relationship.
[32:05] Laura: Exactly. And what is it now? That person who you used to just like, oh, my gosh, I can't stand them now to say, wow, you know what? What a teacher they've been to me. I've appreciated this opportunity to learn and grow and who knows, maybe by responding differently to them than maybe many other people have responded to them, what effect does that have on their life down the road? We don't know, right, that's that collective suffering or that's the ripple effect.
[32:34] Sarah: Yeah.
[32:34] Laura: And I think you do. Instead of being disconnected from the suffering, the feelings, it's more of a detachment, which is that's coming from Budhism as well, but that I can have such great compassion for you, I can empathize with you, but I don't need to be wrapped up in all the drama the way that I once was. There's a difference there. How many times have we gotten caught up in all of the drama that's going on when it has nothing to do with me, but I'm going to get caught up in it because this is what I identify with and this is how we all bond. We trauma bond or we bond this way, but instead to be the person who says, wow, I wonder what it would be like if you saw that person as a teacher, right. To be like, my friend completely changes the experience. And, oh, by the way, now I don't have to feel all that yucky stuff. I don't have to be in drama. I have no interest, right? People ask me, oh, how's it going? And at first, in my own journey of recovery and healing, I'd be like, It's weird. I don't know what to talk about because all I ever knew to talk about was all the stuff that was wrong. And now it's more like, life is good, I'm content, and thank God for that, right? I'm not living out of this all.
[34:01] Sarah: The time, inner chaos, right?
[34:05] Laura: Just this real grounded. And people who've known me a long time or people who've seen me after an absence will be like, your whole energy is different. And I see that in my clients as well. We see those shifts in them and it's like, oh, my gosh. And I'm there to remind them, like, hey, remember two years ago? Remember that time? Remember how you were? This is hard, and it feels like you're taking two steps forward and 17 steps back, but you're not where you were at. You're in a different place.
[34:39] Sarah: Yeah. That you can feel just different in your life. Different in your life. It's huge.
[34:46] Laura: It really is. So, yeah, I'd encourage people, if you're struggling with this, reach out, find someone to work with in whatever capacity that looks like, whether it's a therapist or a spiritual leader, a friend, and remember that you don't have to prove your worth. Right? So one of the healing things in my recovery was I got this tattoo, which is Hebrew. It has, like, hearts. You probably can't see it very well, but it's Hebrew. This is from my old life as someone who studied all that stuff, but in ancient Hebrew, this means beloved. And it's a reminder to me to be compassionate to myself. Like you are beloved. Treat yourself as such. Also, you are loved, so allow yourself to be loved. How many of us are like, love averse, right? And so for me, this really became a symbol that I wanted to permanently have with me to remind me that this is a practice and it's a pretty amazing place to come home to.
[36:01] Sarah: Oh, I love it. I love this conversation. Is there anything you'd like to share before we wrap up?
[36:08] Laura: I think what I would say is there's a lot of wonderful work out there that people have done. We talked about Kristen Neff, and her website has things that are accessible practices, things like that. There's books out there. And also that the circle of self compassion, right? That being compassionate with oneself, having self compassion. That you don't have to be alone in that either. You might be the only person in your family who is learning how to do that, and the family doesn't like that. But you're not alone. There's others of us out here who are doing this day in and day out. So join a circle of others who are practicing this and it's amazing. Relationships start to shift. New people come into your life, other people leave your life, and before you know it, it's a very different existence. As much as you're not alone in the suffering, you're also not alone in this, even though it feels countercultural.
[37:08] Sarah: Absolutely. Yeah. And we'll be adding some resources to our website. We have a couple of blogs right now that I'll link to in the show, notes that talk more about self compassion, some assessments, things like that taken from Kristen NEP's work, and then know we'll be developing some things in a new free membership community. Sneak peek that we're building and working on, so stay tuned for that. We'll have resources around self compassion in there, so once that's live, I'll link to that in these show notes as well. But just some fun things to come and some solid resources if you're interested in leaning in a little bit more and learning. And as always, if you're looking for support from a therapist, feel free to reach out. We're not the right fit. I'm certainly happy always to help you find a practice that thank you, Laura. Thank you for your wisdom and what you shared.
[37:59] Laura: Sure, sure. I just pay it forward. There's a lot of people who help me to get here, so if I can help others, what a great world we'll live in doing this work, right?
[38:10] Sarah: Yes, absolutely. Let it spread.
[38:13] Laura: Amen.
[38:14] Sarah: All right, everybody. We will be back next week with another episode, and until then, take good care of yourself.
[38:20] Sarah: Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Reclaim You. Be sure to, like, comment and subscribe and check us out on YouTube at reclaim you. If you're looking to start therapy for trauma disordered eating or body image concerns, head over to our website at WW reclaimtherapy.org to learn more about us and our work. We'll be back next week with another episode. Until then, take good care of yourself.
Reclaim therapy provides eating disorder therapy near me and trauma therapy in Horsham, PA.
We are a group of eating disorder therapists near me who provide comprehensive eating disorder treatment, EMDR for eating disorders, EMDR for binge eating and EMDR for trauma Pennsylvania. We are passionate about helping people reclaim their lives from eating disorders, trauma and body image concerns.
If you’re looking for support in your recovery from trauma or disordered eating, we’re so glad you found us.