Six Ways to Approach Political Conversations with Family Over the Holidays
As a trauma therapist, I've seen firsthand how political discussions at family gatherings can reactivate old wounds and create new ones.
The pit in your stomach as you pull into the driveway, knowing Uncle Jim is going to mock your beliefs on a hot-button issue that you are so passionate about. The way your hands shake slightly as you pass the mashed potatoes, dreading the moment someone brings up the current picks for top officials.
I get it.
And, I want you to know that your anxiety about these conversations is completely valid.
But, I also believe we can approach these moments with intention and self-compassion.
Here are six strategies I've seen work both in my practice and in my own family gatherings:
1. Set Your Boundaries Before You Arrive
Remember that "No" is a complete sentence.
You get to decide which conversations you're willing to have.
Try something like: "I care about you, and I want to focus on connecting with you today. I'd prefer not to discuss politics." Then, redirect to a shared memory or interest.
2. Listen to Your Body
Your body will tell you when you're getting activated – maybe your chest tightens, your breathing becomes shallow, or your shoulders creep up toward your ears.
These are your cues to take a break.
It's perfectly okay to say, "I need some fresh air" or "I'm going to help with dishes" to give yourself a moment to reset.
3. Use "Both/And" Thinking
When someone expresses a viewpoint that differs from yours, try to find the grain of truth in their underlying concern, even if you disagree with their conclusion.
For example: "I hear that you're worried about our community's future, AND I have a different perspective on how to address that."
Remember, you can love and care for someone and disagree with their stance.
4. Stay Connected to Your Values
Ask yourself: What matters most to me in this moment? Is it maintaining family bonds? Standing up for what you believe? Finding common ground?
Let your values guide your responses rather than getting pulled into winning an argument, or trying to prove your point to someone who isn’t receptive or ready to shift their stance.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
You're not responsible for changing anyone's mind.
You're not responsible for educating everyone at the table.
And, you're definitely not responsible for solving the world's problems over turkey dinner. Give yourself permission to be imperfect in these conversations.
6. Create Connection Before Content
Before diving into any potentially charged topics, spend time rebuilding your emotional connection.
Share stories about your kids, ask about their garden, or reminisce about family traditions. When we feel genuinely connected, we're more likely to give each other grace when we disagree.
Plus, these moments remind us that our relationships are built on more than just political views.
Remember, political disagreements often run deeper than policy positions – they touch on our core values, our sense of safety, and our vision for the future.
The tension you feel is natural and human.
Sometimes the most therapeutic thing we can do is acknowledge that these conversations are hard, really hard. And that's okay.
We're all doing our best to navigate an increasingly complex and divided world with the people we love.
Take good care of yourself this holiday season. No matter where you stand on the political spectrum, remember that it’s ok to rest now so that you have the energy to stand for what you believe in later.
You've got this.
🧡,
Reclaim Therapy provides trauma therapy in Horsham, PA with a specialization in CPTSD, Eating Disorders and Body Image.
If you’re looking for down to earth therapists who not only talk the talk, but walk the walk, we’re so glad that you found us. We provide EMDR for PTSD, EMDR for CPTSD and trauma-focused interventions for complex trauma, disordered eating and body image concerns.