Reclaim You- Creating Body Positive Homes
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In this conversation, Sarah and Robin Klein, Registered Dietitian and Pediatric Nutrition Specialist, discuss the challenges of parenting in a weight-centric society and how to begin to create body positive homes for our kids.
They explore the importance of creating body positive homes and provide tips for navigating school environments. They also discuss how to respond to kids' comments about bodies and the importance of non-appearance based praise.
In this conversation, Robin and Sarah discuss the negative messages about body size and food that children are exposed to through media, books, and TV shows. They emphasize the importance of being mindful of the messages children receive and being proactive in choosing positive role models and media content. They also discuss the harmful impact of weight shaming and the need to shift the focus from body size to overall health.
Robin provides practical tips for parents to create a body-positive home environment, including involving children in food preparation and exercise. They encourage parents to seek support and resources to navigate these challenges.
Takeaways
Parenting in a weight-centric society can be challenging, but it is important to create body positive homes and promote body acceptance.
Navigating medical settings and weight charts can be difficult, but parents can advocate for their children and focus on overall health rather than weight.
School environments can also be challenging, but parents can communicate with teachers and emphasize body diversity and acceptance.
Responding to kids' comments about bodies requires sensitivity and open communication, focusing on the importance of all bodies and non-appearance based praise. Be mindful of the negative messages about body size and food that children are exposed to through media, books, and TV shows.
Choose positive role models and media content that promote body positivity and healthy relationships with food.
Shift the focus from body size to overall health and well-being.
Involve children in food preparation and exercise to create a positive and inclusive environment.
Robin's Book Recommendations:
We're Different We're the Same, Sesame Street
Bodies are Cool, Tyler Feder
Her Body Can, Katie Crenshaw
Your Body is Awesome: Body Respect for Children by Sigrun Danielsdottir
Taking Up Space, Alyson Gerber
The Body Image Workbook for Every Body, Rachel Sellers and Mimi Cole
Raising Body Positive Teens: A parent's guide to diet -free living, exercising, and body image. Signe Darpinian, Wendy Sterling, Shelley Aggarwal
Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture, Virginia Sole-Smith
Download Robin's Lunchbox Card Here
To learn more about Robin and her work, follow her on instagram at @intunenutritiontherapy or visit her website at https://www.intunenutritiontherapy.com.
Thanks for listening to Reclaim You with Reclaim Therapy!
To learn more about Reclaim Therapy and how to work with a therapist on the team, head to https://www.reclaimtherapy.org.
Be sure to comment, like and subscribe here, or on YouTube and come follow along on Instagram!
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[00:01] Sarah: Hi there. Welcome to reclaim you, a podcast published by the Reclaim Therapy team. Join us as we share stories, tools, and insights on how to reclaim you in the wake of trauma, disordered eating and body shame. Grab your coffee, tea, or your favorite snack and get cozy because we're about to dive in. Hey, everyone. I'm so excited to have our special guest come on the podcast today. My friend and colleague Robin Klein is a philly based registered dietitian and board certified specialist in pediatric nutrition. She empowers her clients to heal their relationship with food in their bodies by helping them break free from chronic dieting and make food choices from a place of pleasure and nourishment over rigidity and restriction. She embraces a non diet and weight inclusive approach with a passion for helping clients discover increased self compassion, body acceptance, and respect. Robin truly believes that there's no one size fits all approach to eating and living. Robin is particularly interested in helping parents prevent disordered eating in their children and families. She provides parents the tools they need to raise healthy, intuitive eaters with a respectful and peaceful relationship with food and their bodies. Today, Robin and I are chatting all about creating body positive homes and environments for our kids. I know you're going to love this episode, so let's dive in with Robin. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to reclaim you. I'm here with Robin today and I'm so excited to talk more about body image. And before we started recording, we were talking about medical settings, kind of picking up on where Rachel and I left off a couple of episodes ago. And Robin was know kids and medical care and weight charts and so many things. And I thought that would be a really great place to start off with in this episode, talking all about body positive homes and raising kids in this ****** culture that we live in. So all that to say, welcome, Robin.
[01:55] Robin: Thank you. Thank you so much for inviting me to do this with you. I'm excited.
[02:01] Sarah: I'm so excited, too. So one question that I've been asking everyone that comes on is, what does reclaim you mean to you?
[02:09] Robin: Yes. Oh, my gosh. I love this question. I love that you asked this. And I think that as far as my practice within nutrition therapy, it's so similar to claim you. It's just this idea that, again, we're bombarded at an early age and all the time from everywhere about messages about our bodies and messages about food and messages about what we should be doing and what we shouldn't be doing using these thernal sources and inanimate objects, tell us how we should be feeling about our body, right. And it gets so out of control, and it's just, like, so loud. Right. There's so much noise around it. So to me, it really just means shutting down that noise, trying to no longer use a lot of those apps, scales, and things that are giving you information that isn't even really all that accurate or helpful and saying, like, okay, I'm weighing myself, and the number is making me feel really badly about myself. Let's not do that anymore. There's no reason to do that. Or, like, an app that's telling you how many calories you should have, but you're starving because you're probably not having a lot of fat because Beth has more calories. Right. So tuning all of that out and getting back in touch with ourselves and trusting that body going back to us, being born into this world with this innate ability to do so for people who have really severe eating orders, this is really hard to do, and it's almost impossible at first. So that's the work that we do with people. But for a lot of people, just finally getting back in touch with yourself and saying, okay, you can even talk to yourself in third person. What do you need right now? What are you telling me? What are you feeling? Do you need a snack? Being able to just get back in touch with yourself and reclaim this ability to trust yourself and listen to your body, because your body is giving you all the information that you need. And we just need to tune that noise out around us and tune in to what is being. What our bodies are actually telling us that we need and trusting that. I love that.
[04:29] Sarah: So talk to us a little bit, like I said, to start about medical settings and what can kind of come when bringing your kids just for a well visit.
[04:40] Robin: Yeah. So it can be really tricky. So we go to these doctors visits, right. And what we know as far as the weight piece is that it's really focused on, it's really emphasized. And I think what happens is that because we live in such a weight centric, weight normative kind of model, weight becomes one of the most important things that is discussed at these visits. And it can leave parents feeling really confused or worried that they're doing something wrong. We see how our kids are trending on the growth chart, and if there's all the little squiggles. And sometimes it can be really scary for people to be like, oh, is this normal? Is this okay? And then there's a lot of talk about it, and there's a lot of talk in front of kids and as far as kids are concerned, they pick up on things really early. I have a four year old and a two and a half year old, and they stand a lot. I mean, of course, especially my four year old. And all these conversations that are being had in front of her and in front of other kids, especially as they get older, are really harmful. And this is important because I actually have a lot of clients. So I work with a lot of parents, and I work with a lot of teens and a bunch of other people, like all the different age groups. But I would say that a lot of people, more often than not, people will say they can remember a time that a doctor or a nurse or like a healthcare provider said something to them or about them in this setting. And then that starts the whole parents go home, take that information, start putting them on restrictive diets. Whether they talk to them about it or they just do it, it becomes a really unhealthy atmosphere, like, meant for them. And so that just starts the whole cycle, right? Like, they go to the doctor, then they have home, then at school, there's stuff, and it's just impossible to navigate. So as far as the medical setting for kids, not saying that weight should never be taken, that it's not important is. And of course, we need weights for dosing medications, and we do want to look at trends, but that's more what we focus on, looking at trends, like, not looking at single data point and saying, oh, you're at the 95th percentile. You should probably make some changes without even asking parents or kids, hey, what foods are you eating? What do you like to eat? What have you tried recently? Like, what's your favorite food? There's no conversation around our feeding our kids and what they like. It's just like, oh, this single data point is telling me that your weight is too high and that needs to be fixed. Right?
[07:51] Sarah: Yeah. And then kids, like you said, they pick up on. So also, Robin and I are both moms. We have kids that are the same exact ages, actually. And so, yeah, my four year old picks up on so much as, I mean, even working with clients, we hear all the time these initial memories going back to medical settings, of overhearing. Like you said, this doctor said that there was something wrong or that my weight was too high, or my bmi was x, y, and z, and it kind of plants this seed of there's something wrong with me at such an early age, and then how parents respond to that and then how kids take that and how it roots in over time and informs behaviors. It's so impactful. More so than I think definitely anyone realizes in the traditional medical setting, big time.
[08:39] Robin: And what's also really important to kind of mention here is that research and data that shows that elementary school kids, girls especially, not that I don't think anybody's immune to it, but more so girls than boys, that 40% to 60% or so of kids aged six to twelve are fearful of being fat, right? Their body changing and they are worried about how they look. And there's just this preoccupation with it at such an early age. And then the things that kids learn in school too, or like kids are already bullied about their weight and then bullied by parents. Maybe parents don't even realize they're bullying kids, but they are right, are innocuous, are really not. How we talk about our kids and how we talk to our kids becomes their inner dialogue. They're just absorbing all this information so they hear all of this, and then kids are already so vulnerable, and then they go to school and then they get all this information about how they look. And not a single person, I don't know about you, but I always think about this from when I was a kid too. Not a single person ever mentioned to me or said to me, hey, your body is going to change. So many times. They're supposed to change, and bodies are going to change at different rates, right? Like, your body might change at a different pace than your friend's body and your peers bodies. And all bodies are good. All bodies are changing over and over and over again. Nobody says this to kids. And so they see their bodies changing. And then some kid, or like an uncle or an aunt or a sibling or a parent says, oh, your belly is getting big, or, look at your wet. Those types of things. And you would be surprised at how many times a comment like that is what spirals people into these harmful, horrible eating patterns that for a really long time, some for life, it's hard to work through.
[11:00] Sarah: Absolutely. Which is why it feels so important to have these conversations and to support adult humans in the world to do different with their own kids. It's funny, one of my very close friends, she sent me a message one day and just said, like, oh, my God, I just screwed up so bad. I brought my daughter out to McDonald's, and then we went to the doctor's office and she stepped on the scale and I made a comment just like my mom would make of like, I bet you regret having that now. And she immediately thought like, holy ****. What the **** did I just do? Right? And it's so easy to fall into these old patterns of what our Parents did and what the culture says without doing this kind of depths of work, to fall back into those similar behaviors and patterns that then inform our kids views of themselves and their bodies and other people's bodies and things like that. So, yeah, these conversations feel so important to help parents find their way out and to do some of this work to create more supportive environments for their families and for future families.
[12:05] Robin: Yeah, big time. I think the one thing, though, that's different about your room, which comes to mind for me right away, is that she was able to recognize that. Right. I know. For my parents, and again, wonderful parents, this is why it's important to have this conversation, is because have good intentions. They don't mean to cause harm, and it doesn't mean that harm wasn't caused. Right. So as far as your friend, she was able to be like, oh, my God, why did I say that this is so harmful? And I think that's the difference, is that we're kind of in this generation. I think now there is a lot on social media which is really positive and great, and that's helping us to kind of learn a lot of this. But it was different for our parents. But your friend is able to recognize this, and I think that is where she needs to run with it. Right? Saying to our kids, like, apologizing to our kids or something to our kids. I actually had a similar situation recently. I was telling some friends. So we were reading a book. I was reading a book with my kids about snowmen. There is one snowman that is different. Yeah, there is one snowman has, like, a cucumber nose. And so my kids pointed to that, and they thought it was really silly, and so we kind of went with it and we said it was silly. And then at the end, I was like, oh, my God, what am I doing? Here I am. We're almost, like, poking fun at this snowman who's different. So then I was like, okay, wait a second. We need to go back to him. Lesson like, okay, talking about how bodies are different, people look different. It doesn't mean that it's bad to be different. I used it as a lesson for my daughter, and I was like, does anybody look different in your class? And she said, yes. And we talked about that. And I asked if anybody ever says anything to this person. And I was like, that's great. It's really cool to be different. We're supposed to be unique. And how cool is it that the snowman has a cucumber nose when all the other ones have carrots? We talked about this is actually when we're getting a lot of snow. I was like, what nose do you want to put in our snowman that we make trying to realm? But I was just like, oh my God. Even I found myself in this situation where it's just so easy.
[14:37] Sarah: It's so easy.
[14:38] Robin: Some of these mistakes where you're like, oh my God, that's not the lesson I wanted to teach them, or that's not. But I think apologies or switching things around or lessons go a long way with kids because I know that moving forward now when we look at the book, she's like, oh, it's really cool that the snowman has a cucumber nose. Have I not said that? I don't know. Maybe she wouldn't have come to that conclusion, right? Yeah, silly. And obviously this is just like about a snowman and we don't do that with people. But it's still really important. Think about it, realize again, since kids sponges and they're like absorbing all of its information, you don't know how it's being internalized for them and where they're going to take that information. I don't ever want my kids point to somebody who's different. We were just talking about body positive homes. That's one thing that I really stress to parents and I think it's so important is that representation matters so much. So if you are reading books with your kids that show all sorts of different bodies and ethnicities and cultures and all the things when they're out in the world, they see people who are different from them. Not going to point to somebody and be like, oh, why is that person this? Or why is that person that? For sure? For people who aren't doing that, you can have those conversations. Your kids, it's sometimes harder, more challenging. If you're already doing these things in your home, they're not going to have that same response. They're going to see people as people. They're used to seeing all different bodies and people in wheelchairs, all sorts of things. Yeah.
[16:28] Sarah: And maybe we can add some of your favorite books, some of my books as well, to the show notes to help people kind of access some of those different types of books for their kids. What are some other ways do you feel like some even like foundational ways to start to shift homes to be super safe and body positive and really encouraging for kids to explore their bodies other bodies.
[16:56] Robin: I love that question. So important. And there's actually so many things that we can do, which is great. So again, first thing, representation matters. So being mindful of that and also checking in with yourself. And I think a hard thing for parents is when they have their own complicated relationship with food and body, their body image isn't great, or they've been through so much as far as their body and food relationship, and they don't want to pass it on to kids, but they don't realize that they kind of are in some ways. So I think, what are the things that you're doing? I think first thing is awareness. Right? Do you have food rules? Are you saying things like, you have to have this before that, or you can't eat after this hour, not only for yourself, but are you kind of passing those on to your kids, too? So what food rules are present in your home? A lot of parents, and this is kind of how we were raised, too, I think, for the most part. Like, you have vegetables or you get something sweet. That's one thing that I start with, actually, with a lot of my families, is because that oftentimes creates this preoccupation with that food, and it just makes them want it so much more. And this can be really hard and really scary for people because this is not how we were raised. And there's so much around this, like, you shouldn't have too much sugar, have too much this. So putting food on the plate, that is kind of not what you would consider healthy can feel really scary. And parents feel overwhelmed and out of control with that. That's ultimately what help is serving the thing with your meal. And at first, oftentimes kids will go for that first, right? They will go for the ice cream, they will go for the whatever. But as you do it more and more, it doesn't mean that you have to offer a cookie or ice cream or whatever with every single meal or even every day if you don't want to. You can control how often you offer it. But when you do offer it, offer it as though you're offering whatever other fruit it is. Veggies, fruit, whatever. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Mine's this. Do you like sprinkles? Have a conversation about it. But what happens is that parents sometimes maybe even do that. They will allow the sweet with the meal, but they won't have it themselves. And they'll something like, oh, mommy can't have that, or, daddy, I'm watching my weight. You don't have to watch your weight. But I'm watching my weight, right? I've had this conversation with so many parents of clients of mine, they don't realize that that too is causing harm. It is so hard. And so, especially if this isn't something that you're used to thinking about, it can feel as a parent, like, okay, what am I supposed to say then? What do I do and what do I say? I don't ever want parents to feel that way. I know that it can just feel so overwhelming. Just think, like, the awareness is really important. First, if you hear yourself saying, like, I can't have that, or like, I'm watching my weight or I'm on a diet, or like, do you really need to have that much? Or all those comments really impact us. But also, gits aren't all the same. There's no one size fits all approach. You can try a lot of these things and they might go really well, but there are different things that we have to consider, too. Like, some kids do have kids who are autistic or like kids who have celiac or different medical conditions or different things, that you can still do a lot of these things, but it might not look the same way. That's important to know, too.
[21:10] Sarah: When you were saying that, I had the thought of the comment that I remember hearing so often and probably still as an adult is, I'm so bad for having XYZ, right? Or you guys have the pizza, I'm just going to have the salad instead. And while maybe you're not in the mood for pizza, are there other intentions behind it? Is there this avoidance or like you said, morality of the food, is it considered good or bad? Or is there compensation around it? All of these things to get to know within ourselves. Because when it's there for ourselves and it's being said or demonstrated to our kids, like you said, they're little sponges. They're going to pick up on it. And what meaning might they make about their body by hearing us reference our bodies in those ways? It's really hard. Like you said, it's really, really hard. It's really tricky to navigate. And that awareness and the curiosity around, like, oh, wow, what's happening for me here can be really game changing.
[22:06] Robin: Yeah, so much so. And yeah, like the, the comment about being bad, you're always wrong. It's so sad that we live in society that people call themselves bad. I mean, I used to do the same thing, but call themselves bad for eating a cookie. You didn't rob a bank, you didn't kill anybody. You didn't hurt someone. You just ate something that is tasty. Right. Really overwhelming to people because so many of us started dieting at really early ages. I know for myself, I was around like eleven or twelve, like, right point of puberty, right when your body was.
[22:50] Sarah: Going to rapidly change.
[22:51] Robin: Yeah, rapidly changing. And it feels so scary because nobody's normalizing that for you. And that is really when I started dieting and for a really long time, throughout college, throughout early adulthood, for most of my life. And so a lot of that is because of messages that I got about my own body or that I overheard my loved ones saying about their bodies, messages that I got doctors, messages that I got from peers, assignments that we did in school, all these things. And so sometimes it can start with just like one simple comment that being said, that's where the awareness of parents makes the biggest difference, because we can say, hey, I wanted to talk to you about something the other day. I said, x, how did that make you feel? Or you can kind of gauge the situation. Having those conversations is what helps them to build resilience and like a strong foundation to be able to navigate this better so that when they comments from other people, they already have these tools and this information to be able to not get carried away with it. Not to say that you're doomed as parents, if you said stuff like your kids doomed, if you commented, it's okay, we do it. It's unfortunately part of what people do. And there are things to help them not develop negative patterns or like a negative relationship with food in their body. Yeah.
[24:35] Sarah: And you mentioned schools. That's such a good point because so much happens in the school environment with, I'm thinking about health class and gym class, I guess. Yeah, they're two separate classes and tracking food and going to the nurse's office to get weighed and how that for so many little kids, and I don't know how old they go doing this now, but it's so triggering and it's so hard. And I'm curious if you have tips for parents of how to navigate that when your child is being faced with an assignment to track their calories, because this happens, right? Or you get the letter in the mail to check the BMI or the weight or whatever it is. How do we as parents navigate that? With the goal of supporting our kids to stay resilient and to maintain the integrity of our homes as safe spaces.
[25:29] Robin: Yeah, I love that you asked this because maybe it's a really important conversation even before we talk about grade school. A really good friend of mine, like a couple of years ago at this point, her daughter is. But when her daughter was two and a half in daycare, it starts so early. The teachers were having them classify food as unhealthy. And you're just like, oh, my God. Right?
[26:02] Sarah: Start so early.
[26:04] Robin: We're going back to this whole. Teachers have such good intentions. They're not trying to mess the kids up. Right? Of course, we think that if we teach kids this is healthy and this is not healthy, that's going to make them healthy. But the opposite happens. Right? They actually do start fearing foods. When we get kindergarten, first grade, second grade and above, they really start to fear foods. And some kids, I have a few clients who are in high school, ones in middle school, who need to have fruit at every single meal in order to feel like doing something healthy for themselves. They can't. Something without a fruit. Right? And so much of this goes back to what's healthy and what's not healthy. And kids don't need to know that information. Don't need that information as parents. And of course, as a. Of course, we know there are some foods that are more nutrient dense and some foods that aren't, but it doesn't mean that we can't include them all and enjoy them all and normalize them. All, right? And so then what happens is that kids go to elementary school and high school, and in their health assignments, like you mentioned, they're asked to track their calories or what they ate in a day. And I cannot tell you how many times this leads to really bad native patterns. People just fall right into an eating disorder from these types of disownments, though, that was something that is really tricky, is that so many of these messages are being had at school. So as far as parents are concerned, I think the big thing is if your kid is home with an assignment like that, and of course, it will vary depending upon the age as far as little, little kids, kind of taking that back a little bit. Okay, let's talk about what are your favorite foods and what do you want to have for dinner tonight? Or what do we have tomorrow? Or getting them involved. That's a really big thing. And saying people do things differently in different homes. In our home, this is what we do. I have this conversation with my kids all the time. Right. In our home, we have all sorts of different types of foods with our meals. And you don't ever have to have this before you get that parents being able to say to their kids, like, whatever age appropriate way we can talk about it and also to parents or teachers. My kid's not going to do that. My dietitian is happy to talk to you about this, or I'm always happy to have these conversations. I can't tell you how many times talk to others about, like, hey, I'm working on this with this person. We don't need to do that. But saying, you don't have to do this. They can do something else, but my kid's not going to do that. And there's so much data and so much research to show why. There's a lot of research papers we can hand to people and say, this is why. This is why it's really important.
[29:32] Sarah: Yeah, definitely. I know at our daycare, my daughter's two, and even in the. I think it was in the one year old class, it was when we first started this daycare, one of the teachers, I gave her like a few little chocolate chips with her lunch one day. Sometimes it's an Oreo, it just kind of depends. But the chocolate chips, for some reason, they didn't want to give her the chocolate chip. They didn't want to give her the chocolate chips. And so one of the other teachers had shared that. And so then it challenged me as a parent to step in and say, we really want her to eat whatever she chooses from her lunchbox, whether that's the chocolate chips or the apple or the peanut butter sandwich or whatever it is. And so sometimes these situations can challenge us as parents to advocate in ways that maybe we haven't done so in our lives in the past, which is hard. And keeping that in mind of, like, the end game here is to have a normal as possible. Right? Because we can't control everything relationship with food or to model that or set the stage for that. And like you said, teachers and parents, no one's out there saying, like, I'm going to do harm and really encourage an eating disorder today. But we have to assume that everyone's really operating from this place of just diet culture messaging that doesn't acknowledge or see the harm in these seemingly little things of like, oh, no, you can't have chocolate chips because that will x, y and z, whatever it is they think that cause you to act wild or whatever. I don't know what the assumption was, but yeah, it starts so early and it's challenging. And if we can continue to step forward and advocate for our kids gets harder, I think, when they're older, too. I mean, it's all hard, but feels like middle school and high school, they're up against a lot.
[31:20] Robin: Oh, my God. They're up against so much. And again, that's why it's just so important to normalize this for a kid's early age. Actually, sometimes I even say to my kids, your body's changing. You're so strong, or you're taller, whatever. Or they know certain clothes don't fit anymore. It's like a normal, natural process to change, especially when they're kids. So helping them to normalize, that makes a really big difference. And I think that the curriculum really needs to change in school at all ages. What if we taught things like how food grows and different varieties of foods, and for the little ones, like, different colors and how they taste and textures and all of that? And then for older kids, trying new things or making plates maybe a little bit more colorful, it's fun to eat a rainbow, because we eat with all of our senses and all these different things and normalizing that bodies are going to change and that you're not supposed to stay the same height and weight for your entire life. And I think if that was emphasized a little bit more in school, I think that would help to make things a little bit easier in middle school and high school is so hard. It's really hard people to understand. This is a conversation that I have all the time, too. It's just mind boggling that we accept for everyone. Every other living thing on this planet comes in different sizes, in different shapes and colors, like trees and plants and even dogs. We'd never, ever expect that a great Dane would ever look like a chihuahua. Like, no matter exercised or how little it ate, it's not going to ever look like a chihuahua. Right?
[33:30] Sarah: Yeah.
[33:30] Robin: We accept that. People are like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Right. Then when it comes to humans, it's like we're treated like almost like robots, that we should have the same hunger every single day, especially if we're on the same schedule. And that if you eat a certain way, you'll look a certain way, and that you should fit in normal range of BMI to be healthy. And that if you are in a larger body, there's something wrong with you, and it's just so harmful. Right? Because if body diversity didn't exist, we would come out of. We'd be born into this world looking all the right. We don't not look the same. Babies all over the place, like, all over the map. They're supposed to, because we are supposed to have different bodies in different shape. We don't all need to be at the 50th percentile. So accepting that body diversity exists from an early age, like, literally the second you're born, things that really need to be emphasized more to people, right?
[34:38] Sarah: Yeah, definitely. And I'm curious if you have, because this has happened. My son is making more comments about bodies and people and natural curiosity of a four year old. And I'm curious how you support folks to respond to comments that kids are making from this really innocent and just observant place where maybe some people might be offended or have a lot of shame about their bodies. How do you navigate that or support folks to navigate that?
[35:10] Robin: It's a tough one. It's a tough one because that's the thing, and I love that you mentioned you, is that it's our observers. So observing is good and it's okay. And they're going to sessions. And I think it's just like, as parents, it's like our own history. But they're saying this and that would have offended me. And it can get so stressful and feel like it can be such an anxious situation. But saying, yeah, that person is that. I think saying, yes, pointing out that they are right. Like, yes, that person does have this, or that person does use a wheelchair or that person does have a bigger belly than you or than mommy. How cool is that? Or being in this mindset of talking about work or what they do for us, like the amazing things they let us do then talking about appearance and also saying to them, listen, I see that you are seeing that, or I know that you pointed this out. And a lot of people don't really like to talk about their bodies. Normalizing the fact that they are saying something because things are descriptors, right, like that. And tall, short, like big nose, little nose, like whatever, that they can point things out. And people don't always like to talk about it. So it's like not comment on bodies because there's so many more interesting things about us than our size or our shape. But yes, it can be really hard. And depending upon the person, depending upon their trauma or their history or they've gone through, it can be really hard. So taking it situation by situation, somebody responds in a really negative way. Then afterwards saying something to your kid like, oh, that was really hard. That person didn't like that you said that, or that we said that, or whatever it is. And that people don't like talking about their bodies because it's better to focus on all the things that they do. And that's another thing. When you had asked me a few minutes ago about things you can do in a body positive home. And I feel like I kind of got, like, side.
[37:34] Sarah: No, you've covered a lot.
[37:37] Robin: But there are a couple of things that are coming to mind. The one thing is non appearance based praise and non food praise, too. If we stop saying good job for eating your carrots and good job for eating your broccoli and just literally nothing.
[37:58] Sarah: Just like, let it be.
[37:59] Robin: So one of the things that I do with my kids that they really, really love is we have these little fruit and veggie cutters. They come in all different sizes and shapes. They're all mini, but the different shapes, like butterflies and fish and an airplane and mickey mouse and dinosaurs, all the things. And I let them do know, I steam the carrots and I make sure that they're really soft and they cool down and I get them both their little stool and they stand at the counter and they take the little cutters and their shapes and they love it. And that's actually a really great thing that you can do even before the meal because if the kids are really hungry and you're like, oh, dinner is ready yet, but you want them to have something little veggie beforehand is awesome. And the shapes are so fun. Again, not a one size fits all. I can also provide you the link of the one that I use. But that's also another thing that might be really helpful to kids is just getting them excited about vegetables. Not saying anything about, like, this is healthy for you. It's just like, we get the rainbow. I get the rainbow. Trader Joe's, right? Purple and white and orange and yellow. Like, they're really beautiful. And the kids pretend to have the dinosaurs eating each other. Really cute. Fun way to get them just eating vegetables without saying anything. I'll do it, too. Aim out of it. Those are the types of things.
[39:34] Sarah: Yeah. This natural curiosity of you're playing and every kid is probably going to put what they're playing with in their mouth, or at least my kids will. So this natural curiosity of, like, what is this? And without pressure, without even comments of like, yeah, that's a purple carrot.
[39:49] Robin: How cool is that, right? Exactly. And like, with broccoli, we call them baby like, my grandmother used to always say that. I love that. So we call them like, little baby trees, like baby white trees and baby green trees. It's like they love that, too. And we'll have little trees and they sometimes compete to see who can eat the most baby trees. And that's not even something that I create. It's just like something that they do and they have fun with it. And the cookie is there. Like, the other day we had a meal where they had a cookie. They had their dino nuggets, they had carrots, and they had strawberries. And my daughter, no, it was broccoli and strawberries. My daughter had a bite of the cookie first, and then she put it down and she had her dino nugget, and then she had her broccoli, and then she had another bite of the cookie. And my son didn't even touch the cookie first. In the beginning, they ate the cookie first and they wanted more of that. Do they sometimes want more cookies? Of course, and sometimes we do and sometimes we don't. But the point is that they asked for three servings of broccoli. And it's because I never comment, I never say, good job for eating your broccoli. Or like, no, you can't have more. It's always just very neutral. Here's your plate. Enjoy. And I try to have the same. And that's also one more thing that's really helpful, too, is if you are having something different, that's a really neat way to get them to try it. Because doesn't every kid want whatever is on their mom's plate or their parents plate? Always?
[41:27] Sarah: My daughter's like, no, yours. And I'm like, but yours is the same exact as mine. She's like, no, yours. I'm like, okay, mine it is.
[41:35] Robin: I'll let them me, I'll feed them. Sometimes we make a little back and forth. Like, take some of mine, I'm taking some of yours. That kind of a thing. And my son is actually very adventurous. He's tried a lot of things. Like, he just had, like, vegetable lasagna last time. They won't be able to try it if they don't see it and it's not on their plate and it's not available. So then try to make it fun and light and change the conversation. Nothing about it except for how cool the shapes are and the colors, like, whatever. That's another thing that I really encourage parents to do at home.
[42:08] Sarah: I know I have the toddler, the little toddler knives that we do a lot of chopping. Lots of ninja chopping with.
[42:15] Robin: Yes. Also fun, too. Get them involved. They have fun. And that's, like, another thing. A lot of times my daughter actually, for her birthday, got one of my friends and her the cutest little apron and chef's hat. And she loves it. It's like the cutest thing. And every time she just wants to wear it, it's awesome because there's so much they can do to help you and have fun with it. Start this positive relationship with food and their bodies. We have this innate ability to feel hunger and ask food and to stop when we're full. And of course, like we said, we're not robots, so if something tastes really good, they might have more of it. That's okay. Like normalizing that. They're humans, they're exploring, they're tasting things. So that's a really big thing. Like, I'm so proud of you for that was really hard for you to do and you kept trying. Or your smile just lights up the room. Or there's a million things that we can say to kids that have nothing to do with their body and what they're eating. The other thing that I wanted to mention to you on that while we're back here shows. Oh, my God.
[43:27] Sarah: Oh, my gosh.
[43:29] Robin: Let's just take a minute for a second. Like, wow, it is crazy. Like the things that you pick. I mean, this is the hard part too, because of course, our lives are busy, right? So sometimes we put the tv on when we're trying to do something else. Like do dishes, clean up, make dinner, all the things. But we're not going to always be to our kids while they're watching and makes so much sense. And I'm not saying that always be like, I'm definitely not. And we be mindful. I think it's really important to watch things before you show your kids. Oh, my God. Every like cocoa melon. Almost like the. Dear Johnny, do you. Yep, yep.
[44:10] Sarah: I know my daughter loves to sing that song too.
[44:12] Robin: And I'm like, video is why they think that this is a normal thing for kids. It's mind blowing. It is the two, three, four, like younger one, three of it. And it's like for people who don't know who are listening, it's like the mom and dad, like sneaking food after they take turns kitchen. And then the other one comes in and sees them and they confront them about the food they're sneaking. And it's like, oh, my God.
[44:39] Sarah: And then they lie about it.
[44:41] Robin: Then they lie about it. Right? And it's so messed up, the messages.
[44:46] Sarah: Hidden in here, right? Yeah, it's incredible.
[44:50] Robin: Need the poo. There's an old one, but we actually have, like we. We have a. We had a couple of books, but one of the books was know one of the. Honestly, go into the cave with the rabbit. And he got in, and when he was in there, he was hungry and he had a lot of honey, and then he couldn't get out. So then rabbit weight shames him and says, oh, it's because you ate too much. And it's like reading this to my kids. And I'm like, oh, God. So it's like a silly rabbit. The bear, it didn't fit through the hole because it wasn't built through for a bear. It was built for a rabbit. Like, look at the size of the bear versus a rabbit.
[45:27] Sarah: What?
[45:29] Robin: So we said bye to that. I mean, there's so many, like, blippi, even seafood or, like, healthy lunch, and we'll have seaweed and an apple. And I'm like, well, you have something just like seaweed, really? And peppa pig on and on and on. And when you see it, confront it. I think that's really important. I am not bashful. That's not a lunch. Like, he'll say something like that. They're listening. They're comprehending some of this. When Peppa pig and family make, you know, I've called that many times, many times.
[46:13] Sarah: Because it's like, on.
[46:15] Robin: There's just, unfortunately, there are so many examples of this Bernstein bears, like, junk food book. Like, oh, my. It. This is why it's hard, right? Because this is just, like, normal thing our books have. And, like, the tv shows that we used to watch.
[46:34] Sarah: I recently threw out a book, too. There's a series, the pig the pug books. I don't know if you know them, but they're cute. And there's one about, like, fibbing, and pig always learns a lesson. Pig the pug always learns a lesson. And there was this one just, like, pink book that I think my brother got for my son, and he loved it.
[46:50] Robin: He's like, oh, it's bright.
[46:51] Sarah: It's great. And I was reading it. It was awful. Awful. And so I immediately threw it out, right? And so I'm going through, and I'm, like, making up a story as I'm going through because I'm like, I'm not reading these words to my kid about a pig eating too much junk food and whatever. I'm making up the words and I tossed it. I'm like, this is wild that they actually have this in print.
[47:15] Robin: Crazy. I know. And even, like, a book that I had a little while ago that we no longer have, it was Alphabet book. Like a sleepy Alphabet book. And it was like, talking about all the letters C, D and e were, like, getting into the bath. And the adjective was chunky c or Chubby C or something. And then, like, E-C-E. And they showed, like, a big c and little e. Can we just let these letters just, like, faith in peace, just be letters? Letters. So I wrote on the book. I'm not bashful to do that. Either I take my pen or I'll take my marker.
[47:56] Sarah: I love it.
[47:57] Robin: And say, like, cheerful c or, like, enthusiastic e. Come on, can we think something other than naming these letters? Get real.
[48:07] Sarah: Right? Yeah, come on.
[48:11] Robin: It's everywhere. And of course, parents who aren't really in this mindset, it's like you read these things and it's, like, totally normal and natural, but all these things that add up and shape how we view ourselves in this world and how we see ourselves. And it's no wonder that feel so badly about their bodies. It's always these messages that bigger bodies are bad and thinner bodies are good. And it misses the mark in so many ways. It is so harmful because you can't. Health does not have a look, and we can't continue to operate from this mindset that health has a look and that you can tell a person's health by looking at them. It's so harmful for everyone.
[49:01] Sarah: Yeah. And I'm just thinking of parents who may feel, like, shame for language they've used or how they've commented about themselves or food or whatever. And what just feels so important is that shame, like living in the shame spiral or staying stuck in shame, it doesn't serve anyone right. So acknowledging, like, oh, wow, I made a misstep there. Being really compassionate with yourself and acknowledging, like, you didn't create this, right. You didn't create this language about bodies or these beliefs about food or whatever. It was planted long, long ago. And the more that you start to see it, the more you can call it out and kind of coach yourself through it and get support to uproot some of this ****. So just to say, like, staying in the place of, like, oh, my gosh, I'm so bad, I've caused so much harm. I think what we can do is really be gentle with ourselves and acknowledge, like, okay, I have some work to do. And by stepping outside of shame, we're also modeling to our kids that resilience is a thing. And you can stay resilient to these messages and you can grow and you can learn and you can uproot and it's all good.
[50:10] Robin: Yes. Like, so much of that. Yeah, that's the thing, too, is that it is so easy to be like, oh, my God. Messed up. And now my forever.
[50:21] Sarah: I know. I think that, like seven times a day, I'm like, oh, gosh, I've done it now.
[50:26] Robin: Right? But this place where it's just like, okay, remind yourself that, number one, you're human. You are doing the best that you can, and you have good intentions, and you want to be better and you want to learn and you want to improve. And just because you have said things for however long doesn't mean that you have to continue to say them. We can change how we talk, behave, live at any point. That's the beautiful thing about this, is that we all have things that we would want to change or reconsider or whatever. And I think just being mindful of that and really being self aware of that, maybe writing things down sometimes can be really helpful and say, I am not doing this anymore. I am not going to do this anymore. These are the things that I'm going to start doing, stop doing, keep doing whatever. And the more you do it, the better it becomes. The easier it becomes. And we're human. Nobody's immune to it, really. No one's immune to it. But it is really important for kids to have good role models and exercise, too. Movement is a huge part of this, and it does feel good. And instead of saying, like, oh, mommy has to go or daddy has to go, exercise because we had the birthday party yesterday, none of that, please, no more. Moving our bodies feels so good, and it is important in so many ways. And there's no one size fits all with this either. Right? But doing things with kids, kids love to be involved. We have the peloton app, and I was doing a workout from there, and my daughter came over and got on the mat and wanted to do things. We're talking about how we're getting our bodies stronger, and it feels good. There's no talk about weight change or calories burned or whatever. It's just like, this feels good. And I said, I love doing this with you. This is so fun to do this together, right? So go for walks together, do yoga together, have them pretend to lift weights like what my daughter was doing. There's so many ways that we can go about this. And that's another thing that I think is really important, because kids see. Kids see you have your salad and your whatever instead of eating the same meal as them, and they see you go exercise right after you eat whatever you're doing. Kids are aware. They notice. They notice.
[53:09] Sarah: Think they're like little meeting making machines, right?
[53:13] Robin: So what types of things do you want them to pick up from you? Right. Like, what do you want them to see and who do you want them to become? And of course, in so many ways, they're going to become who they come, who they become. But you know what I mean, from behaviors and things that we do, the foundation that we set in our homes is so important. And so unfortunately, we can't keep our kids in a bubble. I wish I could keep my kids in a bubble. In many ways, we do that. They're going to get messages, but what they know and how they live at home and the environment that we're in at home makes such a difference for them. And it's so important. And there's so many things that we can do to just help them to feel safe and loved no matter how their bodies change, normalize it all and hear them and be with them through all of it. And those conversations, I think, really important. Really important.
[54:15] Sarah: Is there anything else you feel like you'd like to add before we wrap up?
[54:19] Robin: Oh, gosh, there's so many things. I know. Where do we, we don't we do a part two about this for days on end? No, I mean, I think, honestly, again, I think just be realistic and mindful. Just what are the things that you are hoping to pass on to kids and what are things that are going really well? What are the ways in which you are already a really positive role model, and what are the things that maybe you can change a little bit, like maybe some small tweaks that you can just start doing today that will make a really big difference. The messages that you start hearing and seeing, all of that, I think that's the big thing. So being mindful of that is so important. And having these important conversations. And if you feel stuck, there's so many people out there. Of course, my clients know this, too. I'm always happy to have conversations with their doctors, with teachers, with therapists, with whomever, whoever I can talk to about this. And also, just in case parents are wondering, too, for little kids, I actually have these little cards almost like these notes, because I was so paranoid about our daughter going to school, and she went to school when she was three. And I was like, I am going to make work that whatever goes lunchbox, she can eat in any order. And not a single person makes a comment. I had a conversation with her teacher. I had the conversation and she was like, oh, she was brave about it. She was like, oh, yeah. I assume that when they're sent, they can have whatever they want. So I'm like, great. But if people need, I do have cards that you can put in your lunchbox so that it's not even on you. It's created by somebody else that says, please don't comment on my child's intake or like, whatever. They can eat whatever they want in whatever order. If you have any, you put your name on it, they call me. But that can be a really great way to go about it, too. If people need something like that, those are available.
[56:36] Sarah: Brilliant. Yeah, I wish I had that a year and a half ago.
[56:41] Robin: I know, but yeah, like, little things like that, whenever it suck. There are so many people who are happy and willing to have these conversations for you if you don't know how to have the conversation yourself. And I love doing that. I love this work. I find it just so meaningful and it's the best, like, having a positive impact on families and especially kids. Wonderful.
[57:08] Sarah: Yeah. Well, the world is lucky to have you doing this work and your clients and tell everyone where they can find you if they're interested in kind of diving into this work a little bit more themselves, for themselves or for their family.
[57:24] Robin: Yeah.
[57:24] Sarah: Where can they find you?
[57:25] Robin: I am at into nutrition therapy, and so that's my media handle. I'm not on social media a ton, but I'm on there a little on my website at ww dot intonutritiontherapy.com. And feel free to email me too, like robin@intonutritiontherapy.com that's always a great place if you're needing help or anything like that. I'm always happy to have these conversations and to help, and there's just so many things that we can do and even things that we didn't even get to today. So I'm here as a race and I'm always happy to help.
[58:04] Sarah: Well, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing about your work and really how to support people to create body positive homes, because we really desperately need more of that in this world. That's for sure.
[58:18] Robin: Agreed. And thank you so much. I feel honored that you invited me on your podcast. Thank you for inviting me. Important conversation, of course.
[58:27] Sarah: Please come back anytime for a part two or for something else. We'd love that.
[58:33] Robin: I would love that, too. Awesome.
[58:36] Sarah: Okay, everyone, be sure to check Robin out on Instagram and on her website, and we will.
[58:43] Robin: Also, I'll send you a list of resources and books, know things if people are interested, so you'll be able to find that, too.
[58:51] Sarah: Wonderful. Thank you so much okay, everybody, we will be back next week for another episode.
[58:58] Until then, take good care.
[59:00] Sarah: Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of reclaim you. Be sure to, like, comment and subscribe and check us out on YouTube at reclaim you. If you're looking to start therapy for trauma, disordered eating or body image concerns, head over to our website@www.reclaimtherapy.org, to learn more about us and our work. We'll be back next week with another episode. Until then, take good care of yourself. Our.
Reclaim therapy provides trauma focused therapy for eating disorders in Horsham, Pennsylvania.
We also provides EMDR for eating disorders, PTSD Treatment, therapy for complex PTSD and grief counseling in Pennsylvania.
We’re passionate about helping people reclaim their lives from the impact of trauma, diet culture and body shame.
We would love to support you as you Reclaim YOU and the life that you undeniably deserve.